The First New England Service Academy (NESA)

This week was a very exciting one, though it demanded a lot of my time after normal work hours. Those of us who were helping to plan NESA (New England Service Academy) spent the week making last minute preparations for the big event. It was our attempt to recreate Cyzygy, an annual event that united every City Year site in the nation for a few days. The last Cyzygy was held a few years ago and we wanted to host a regional version. The original plan was to have CY Boston and CY Rhode Island join us for a day of service and reflection. While corps members from Boston were unable to attend, the corps members from CY Rhode Island were very excited.

The first third of the day focused on service. CYRI met us at Hampton Beach State Park to do a beach cleanup in connection with the Blue Ocean Society. Corps members were split up into groups, comprising people from both sites. After the cleanup and lunch, both sites went to our office space at Timberland for some reflection time and dinner. Corps members had the opportunity to contemplate the future of national service and our City Year. When we were done eating, we headed to a local park for the first of what will become an annual NESA Basketball Tournament and NESA Ultimate Frisbee Tournament. It was a jammed packed day and most people were tired by the end of it.

I did not have the opportunity to participate in most of the activities during the day, especially the first two-thirds of the day. My job was to organize and prepare lunch and dinner, so while others were cleaning the beach or learning about each other during reflection time, I was doing work behind the scenes. I was joined by Jawad and Sarah, corps member from CYNH who were responsible for logistics and the event itself, respectively. It was a little disappointing to miss out on the actual event, but we had fun and it was satisfying to see the faces of people enjoying themselves and the chance to meet other City Year corps members.

At the end of the night, Jawad said, "This is a good sign of things to come." He was referring to the fact that the two of us will be senior corps members next year. A lot of exciting things are developing at CYNH and we get to help support them. But more relevant to NESA, Jawad's statement reflects that what we did on Friday is the first of many events that unify the corps and staff of CYNH, CY Boston and CY Rhode Island. Even with only a few months of planning and last minute actions, we were able to host a successful event. We started it small so it can grow into something more powerful each year. I'm lucky to have been a part of something so exciting at its inception, and even luckier to see it first-hand next year.

Hot Tempers and Preparation

This week began with a lot of heat -- both literally outside and figuratively from those around me. With summer and the end of our year of service approaching, things are becoming a little tense. Most people are trying to amp up their work to ensure a successful year while others seem to be more interested in the freedom that summer promises. It was a difficult beginning of the week for me because I was feeling the frustration from everyone.

In Language Arts, students spent the week writing a persuasive essay. They had to pick a topic and a position that could be defended. A few students decided to write about gay marriage. I knew that this was a touchy subject simply because it is very controversial. My concern solidified because I know that these students may not fully understand the topic but are at an age when they will defend their feelings and opinions very strongly. Thankfully, the discussion was relatively civil – especially compared to the rants that many adults engage in.

I was very proud of the students for standing up for themselves, especially those who preached tolerance. Regardless of your feelings on gay marriage, I think it's important to respect our fundamental humanity – especially when having a disagreement. Some students attempted to rope the teacher into the conversation and while she did share her feelings, she did so while saying, "I don't really know much about it so I don't think it's fair for me to make a decision on it." I jumped in and reminded the students that above all else, respect was the primary tool for having these conversations. Though some may write these thirteen year olds off as culturally unaware and ignorant, I was very proud to see them becoming interested in the world's affairs.

Still, there was a lot of indolence around me, especially with my fellow corps members. When I'm around high levels of disinterest, I become easily frustrated. "I know there's work to be done, so why aren't you doing it?" I think to myself. Luckily, Thursday brought a big evening of preparation for NESA – New England Service Academy. This event was born out of NELA, a conference of corps members from CY Boston and CY Rhode Island. Only a few of us from CYNH were able to attend NELA and we thought, "Wouldn't it be great if we could get our three sites in their entirety together for a few days of service?"

Well, one of our corps members, Sarah, took the initiative and began planning an event that would unite us. We're calling it NESA and it's happening next Friday. The event may seem like a relatively small affair – one day of service with the Rhode Island corps – but it's a very big deal requiring a lot of planning and preparation. It is entirely corps-driven and we've been doing a majority of the work. On Thursday evening, we had to stay later to do some preparation for the event and an information session on Friday. Though I'm doing more work, I'm happier. It has given me something to focus my energy on and I'm incredibly excited! It was exactly what the second half of my week needed.

Friday was a day of looking to the future, both in the short term and the long term. In the morning, we had Make It Better conversations, designed to improve various aspects of our service. We were able to give feedback on PT, Cross Product Teams, IJ, Friday trainings and other elements of City Year culture. There were a lot of good conversations and it energized me. I get to be a part of the implementation of the improvements that will come from these feedback sessions. That afternoon, I was able to be part of rollouts for both NESA and a new thing that the Resource Development team is introducing. As the FY11 Resource Development Project Leader, I will be leading a lot of rollouts and will take a much larger role in leading corps members. Friday gave me the chance to begin working on those skills. Overall, my service on Thursday and Friday reminded me why I serve – I get the chance to work incredibly hard to make this world a better place and I'm proud of the work I do.

Struggles, Victories and Coming Full Circle

Things are winding down at City Year New Hampshire. We only have a few weeks left in the schools and I am doing my best to help my students get ready for high school. I am concerned about a few of them. "Audrey" and "Alyssa" were both resistant to doing work this week. On Monday, they were assigned a math worksheet. When they were unable to get a problem correct immediately, they shut down, saying "I'm not doing this." I tried to push them to work but they weren't having any of it. It was very frustrating; I don't want them to shut down like this when presented with a challenge. But their lives are in their hands; I can't do everything for them. I have to hope that some of what I model and teach gets through to them and they are better off now than they would've been without me.

But there have also been some victories. "Shirley" and "Whitney" have made incredible progress since the beginning of the year. In math class, Shirley figured out how to find the area of an irregular figure with minimal guidance from me. When I told her how smart she is and great she is doing, I caught her smiling. I'm really hoping that Diane and I can continue to instill better self-esteem in Shirley before the end of the year so she can start high school with a desire to succeed.

Whitney has also made an incredible jump. She consistently seeks to respond in most classes, though more could be done to encourage more responses. I'm very proud of her; she's a popular, nice student who is discovering that learning is something worthwhile. And that's a great victory.

"Sophia" has been waving me over at least once a day in classes for a little bit of help. She seemed to be in an unhappy place on Tuesday. When I realized that she was being resistant to doing the work in social studies, I turned it into a joke. I told her, "I know this isn't the most enjoyable but I am going to make it the most exciting thing you'll do all day!" This is very different from how I approached Sophia earlier in the year; back then, I employed a much more forceful style. But when I saw Sophia smile, I knew that I had made the right decision. Completing her work for its own sake is pointless. I'd rather Sophia realize that she can't just give up because she's unhappy – she has to find a little bit of joy to push her through.

These moments happened in the early part of Tuesday. By the afternoon, I was dreading going to English class. The students had been assigned a project over a month ago and it was due Tuesday. Diane had been reminding every eighth grader she saw to complete it for the past week or two but I was still concerned that a lot of students wouldn't have it ready. And, unfortunately, most of the students in my class didn't. But I was incredibly proud when "Whitney," Audrey and Sophia got up to hand theirs in. I started fist pumping in the air and cheering; Whitney pointed back at me and said, "Look at Paul!" I want these students to know how proud I am of them when they do their work. In fact, "Hal," a student I regularly see during the day, came up and said, "I have most of mine done! I just have one thing left!" I don't want the students to do their work to please anyone, especially me. I just want them to feel like somebody cares about their academic success.

The end of the week brought a return to Camp Lincoln, the site of our first day of service back in September. It was designed to be a day for corps members and our Timberland mentors to work together on a few projects around the camp. It was really neat, the full circle aspect of the day. It was where we were first introduced to PT; on Friday, I got to help lead PT with other first year corps members. I spent the morning working in the amphitheatre, where I had worked back on that first day of service. When we debriefed that afternoon, I talked about how proud I am of how far we've come as a site over the year. On Friday, it hit me that this is all ending soon. In a few weeks, I'll never see this group of people in the same place again. It's a little sad but I won't get bogged down in melancholic gloom. I have to do my best to make the next five weeks the most powerful I can.

Overcoming Frustration and Uncertainty

Waking up Monday morning, I knew I had to get moving and grooving to have a great day of service. I wasn't fully rested but I wouldn't use that as an excuse. In first period math, I struggled through a poor explanation of finding the area of a circle. The students were getting flustered and overwhelmed at first but some caught on and exclaimed, "This is easy!" Unfortunately, "Audrey" did not feel this way and she shut down. This response continued into second period FACS class when the students had to create a mosaic with some challenging qualifications. Audrey and other students repeatedly claimed the assignment was "stupid" and "dumb" and wondered why they had to do it. While I was trying to guide them through figuring out how to complete the work, Audrey said, "I'm not doing this." I lost my cool for a second and raised my voice. Thankfully I caught myself and calmed down before I started screaming at the students. The one positive that emerged from the moment was it woke me up and I was ready to be respectful and on for the rest of the day.

Our team meeting was a little overwhelming. We are in the final stage of teacher and student evaluations, which means a lot of paperwork for teachers. I don't mind handing them out but it is a lot of paper to manage. But all of the time and energy that we and the teachers spend on this work translates into improved service for more students who are at-risk for dropping out. Like PITW #124 says, "Everyone needs to do things that are not in the job description" – especially if they contribute to the greater good of our service.

Tuesday had a weird start to the day. Our team leader didn't come in until noon and two of our team members met us at school. We were all confused about whether to do PT like we usually do on Tuesdays or just go to first period. I was flustered over the confusion as well as the deviation from our normal schedule. But in second period I realized that I need to remember moccasins. Other people aren't trying to overwhelm or upset me – they just have things they want to accomplish.

In science class, students had a lab in which they had to dissect a chicken wing. They were investigating the muscles, tendons, ligaments and joints and comparing them to those of humans. It was a challenging lab because the first step was to remove the skin from the wing. I walked around trying to help but I felt like a dunce – I didn't think I was helping out whatsoever. Still, it was a great day – I am seeing a lot of progress in some of the students and I'm excited.

Thursday was a half day at Seabrook, so I saw it as the perfect opportunity to meet with Allie about the Resource Development project leader position. That's where I'll be serving next year and Allie wants to get me prepared for it. She went over all of the things she does during the week and the major projects of the year. It was very overwhelming; there's just so much to it and it's all so different from the world I'm in this year. But I felt this way on orientation way back in August. It's overwhelming, but only because there's so much that is new to me. Once I start working, I'll be fine. I was further comforted when I had lunch with most of the RD team.

In the afternoon, the Seabrook team met Taylor, our team buddy, for our Gift Seat feedback session. This session was different from the other feedback sessions we've done. With this, we took turns giving feedback to one person. It could have gone horribly because of some recent strife but everyone was respectful and honest. I got some great feedback about forcing positivity on others. Some people said that I should work on guiding others to it instead of trying to make people feel happy. When I've been in rough straits, I've respected others most when they've allowed me to address my feelings on my own terms. I need to do that for others. Sometimes people just need to be unhappy and come to the joy on their own time.

On Friday, we had a session on the National Service movement and how to promote it through letters to the editor and letters to congressmen. We also had the chance to learn about the local government in Seabrook. It's good to develop greater understanding of our civic leaders and capabilities, but there was one thing that really stood out about the session. It was presented by Joe, this year's Program and Training project leader, and Tony, the Program and Training project leader for next year. It's very exciting that the FY11 senior corps members are getting the chance to take on opportunities to learn through experience. I'm amazed by how far we've all come from the beginning of the year. There has been an incredible amount of growth and development for everyone; I've been fortunate to be a part of that.

A Brief Week

The weather in New Hampshire at the beginning of the week reflected the general mood of the students at Seabrook Middle School: heavy, slow and sleepy. Summer is making its approach and it's being heralded by terrible humidity. Still, I am feeling really good about May and the next few months in general so I was happy to be back with the students. Unfortunately, throughout the day I didn't feel like I was making a big impact on my students. I felt adrift, like I was detached from my service in most classes. I think part of this was caused by the structure of some of the classes. In FACS, students were simply typing up handwritten work. The students in English class listened to the first few pages of Flowers for Algernon on CD. There wasn't an easy way for me to interact with them, other than nudging them to wake up.

My daily victory came in social studies. The teacher assigned students a project that they'll be working on for the next few days. They have to come up with a topic, formulate a question and use articles to answer it in a three to five minute speech. One student was struggling to come up with a topic. He found an interesting article about Blackwater and their involvement in the deaths of 17 Iraqi civilians. He considered doing his speech using that article but thought it would only last ten seconds. I thought of the Right Question Project and used the title of the article as a prompt. His first question was, "Why did they do it?" I prodded him – "What other questions could you ask?" He came up with, "Who is Blackwater?" He knew they were a military company, which led him to ask, "Why is a military company in Iraq?" They may seem like simple questions, but getting the answers to them will help him flesh out his speech. I talked with the teacher after class about using it with the entire class. He agreed that it's a neat concept and will think about a good future topic to use it with. Victories!

It was a short week for me – I went out of town Thursday and Friday so I was only at school for three days. The feelings of uselessness returned on Tuesday and Wednesday – I didn't think I was really helping. With only a few weeks left in school, my ability to help improve students' grades is limited. These thoughts and feelings have caused me to shift my approach to in-school service. In a few months, my students will become high school freshman, a role that many are concerned about. I plan on spending the next five weeks continuing to model positive behavior and supporting my students as they look forward to next year. I want them to head off into the wild blue yonder confident that they will be able to be successful. They need to know it will be difficult, but they can do it. If I can support them in the shift, I've done a great job.

P.S. This is just a reminder that City Year is in the running to win $250,000 from Pepsi as part of their Pepsi Refresh project. If you would like to support City Year, all it takes is a few clicks and 26 seconds. Remember, every 26 seconds a student drops out of school. Let's take that time to end that crisis. Vote for City Year here.

A Week of Varied Service (Heroes Led)

This was another week of minimal contact with students, for the most part. The kids at Seabrook Middle School had their spring break this week but that didn't mean that we had the week to lie around. We had some things to take care of as part of GYSD wrap-up as well as some workshops and other projects. On Monday, we went to school to collect the tools we left there on Friday. We took them to Timberland's off-site storage – the first time I'd ever been there – and helped the Civic Engagement team with putting the tools away. The CE team is responsible for organizing corps-wide service projects and leading workshops for groups outside of City Year. My roommate is on the team and they have a fundamentally different day than I do. Still, it's no less important and it was neat to see them in their environment.

In the afternoon, the Seabrook team, as well as some corps members from the Hillside and Nashua teams, sat in on a workshop presented by the Right Question Project. The people from this group have been working for twenty years on changing the way education and mentoring is done. Instead of asking students questions to facilitate learning, we learned how to create a prompt to get students to ask questions about a topic. It sounds simple but requires an incredible amount of mental dexterity. It pushed us to our limits. However, I know that the students I work with are capable of using this process. It may take a few attempts but eventually I hope they will start critically thinking about the world around them.
Tuesday was a strange day. It had the same setup of a typical Friday but, obviously, it was in the beginning of the week. It made for a slightly confusing mindset but overall it was a successful day. We talked briefly about Saturday's Heroes Led service project. It will be similar to GYSD but with the actual Young Heroes leading the service projects – as the name implies. It will be interesting to see those students in action, since I've never attended a Heroes Saturday.

The final session of the day was the Seabrook team's Community Meeting. The theme of our Community Meeting was Renewal and the general flow of the pieces reflected the flow of a year of service. It started off light, with Ripples and Joys then flowed into an excellent Mocassins piece led by Amber. I had the chance to share my Life's Work. I talked about some elements of my childhood and the most pivotal eighteen months of my life, the ones that helped transform me into the person I am today. I tend to talk about myself a lot and I didn't want my piece to reflect an egotistical blowhard. I was pleased to hear from several people that it was very well done and actually helped them in their current situations. Diane talked briefly about all of the good that City Year has done in the Seabrook community and how members of that town have really stepped up to take care of themselves. It's reassuring to know that there are others there who support the City Year mission of transforming children and communities for the better.

We had a late start on Wednesday, so I got to sleep in much later than I usually do. The morning was spent preparing for our Dodgeball Tournament fundraiser at Seabrook Middle School. Bear organized it mostly to have something fun for students to do during their spring break. Unfortunately, we didn't have a huge turnout, but we did have enough to do a three round version of a Round Robin style tournament. Some members from the Young Heroes team and the Nashua WSWC team showed up to support us – many thanks to them! Overall, we raised $24 that we'll be donating to the Seabrook Middle School Student Leadership Club. It was a great way to spend our Wednesday.

On Thursday, the Seabrook team had our second team day. We headed up to Portland for a picnic in a park. Unfortunately, it was very windy so most people ate their lunch in the van. After eating, we headed back into New Hampshire to go candlepin bowling at an alley in Portsmouth. Chris treated us to ice cream at a really neat ice cream parlor in the city before we headed home. It was really neat to get out and enjoy the day.

That evening, I led a brief meeting about our end of the year fundraiser that Allie, the Resource Development Project Leader, has been helping us organize. She was out of town for the week and wanted me to step up and take care of it. It's the kind of stuff I'll have to do a lot of next year and I'm glad that I get the chance to practice now.

Friday was a day like two weeks before – a day of prep for a big service project. The Young Heroes had their Heroes Led Service Day on Saturday and the rest of the site helped out. The neat thing about the day was that the actual Young Heroes were in charge of various pieces of each project. But before we got to Saturday, the City Year corps members had to prepare the various sites for service. I spent most of the afternoon attempting to chalk out a map of the United States on a blacktop at an elementary school in Nashua with a few other corps members. We were utilizing a grid to do it pieces, but it was incredibly difficult. The chalk wasn't very visible with the sun beating down on the blacktop and I didn't want the map to look crummy. I was standing, just starring at the northeast, unable to do anything but stare. Thankfully, we all were able to work together to finish it. I was proud of the work we did but not too pleased with the sunburn I got.

I usually don't serve on Saturdays with the Young Heroes program, but this Saturday was different. The whole site went out to Nashua for the Heroes Led service projects and it was amazing! One of the Young Heroes, "Daniel," remembered me from his visit to Timberland way back in September. A few Young Heroes had come out for a panel discussion with us new corps members about what it's been like to be a Young Hero. I was really surprised that he remembered me. It was humbling; I was reminded of our ability to have an influence on others without even realizing it – both as City Year corps members and human beings.

The actual service project was great. Daniel, another Junior Team Leader, Ryan (a corps member from Young Heroes) and I went to the park that our group would be cleaning to prepare the site for their work. While waiting, Daniel and the other Team Leader hung out on the playground. A little girl from the neighborhood came over and started playing with them. I sat back and took notice of the greatness of the moment. Here were two young high schoolers interacting with a child and thinking nothing of it. If they had had red jackets on, they would look like any other City Year corps members. The moment got even better when the rest of our group arrived. After watching us clean up garbage from the park for about twenty minutes, the little girl picked up some gloves from our bucket, put them on and started helping out the Young Heroes with their service. It was beautiful. The two moments together exemplified what we want our service to do: recruit young people to our mission, transform communities and mindsets for the better and inspire other young people to take on the mission for themselves. What I saw on Saturday was not just the future of City Year in a microcosm, but the future of our country and our world: a place where human beings do good for each other simply because they can.

P.S. City Year is in the running to win $250,000 from Pepsi as part of their Pepsi Refresh project. If you want to help us get that money, you can vote here. Remember PITW #107: We Are All Fundraisers.

So Much Service!

Monday was a day of hustle and bustle, a unique opportunity to get to know the sixth graders. The entire Seabrook team, Allie (our Resource Development Project Leader) and some members of the Young Heroes team went to Exchange City. It is a program with sites around the country that lets middle school students experience what it's like to work for a business, pay bills and spend their money wisely. The sixth grade class at Seabrook Middle School had been preparing for this day for a month. Each student had a different role: some were postal workers, others were in charge of distributing goods and one student was the town mayor. I thought it was an exciting way to learn about the real world and its stresses and joys.

I helped out in the bank, working with the bank president, the accountant and the tellers. They were an excellent group of kids, working hard throughout the day to make sure the deposits from businesses and people were handled correctly. Things definitely got chaotic when the Exchange City citizens were given their paychecks. The bank office was flooded with students trying to deposit their paychecks. Through it all, the bank tellers remained relatively civil. I think it's good that these students are exposed to the stress of real life, as long as they are reminded that their schooling will help prepare them to deal with the madness of the adult world.

After our time at Exchange City came to an end, we decided to go get lunch. While walking the streets of Dover, I heard a country riff emanating from a man's pick-up truck. I gave a fist pump in appreciation but what I got in return was, "What the f*** are you looking at?" Chris, my team leader, was walking with me; he stopped and stared at the guy. It was a very disarming experience. My mind was rattled for the next hour, simply because I felt accosted. It's always strange to hear such negativity directed at me or other corps members when we're in our City Year uniforms. I feel like everyone loves us, but reality sets in. Some people don't know us, don't respect us or are just having bad days. I shouldn't take it personally. I need to convert that anger into positive energy for those around me – especially those who are sending out that negativity into the cosmos.

Tuesday was the only day this week that we were in class and I made it count. Even though we usually miss first period on Tuesdays because we're doing PT, I was able to make it to math only a few minutes late. The students had been given a worksheet on two-step equations the day before, but were moving back into proportions. I was able to teach one student how to do those equations really quickly, solidifying my belief that these students are capable of anything if you give them the proper motivation and attention.

In social studies, the students watched a video on child soldiers in Sierra Leone and their adjustment back to a more peaceful society. It was gripping and emotional for me and I know that many students were saddened by it. But the most encouraging moment from one of my students came from "Sally." She had been taking notes during the movie for the assigned reflection paper. As the movie drew to a close, the narrator told the viewers to check out the UN's website on ways to help. Sally furtively scribbled down the address. I don't care if she forgets to check it out later. Just knowing that in that instant she was interested in learning how she can help people she'll never meet – man, that's our whole job, making people realize that we're all dependent on each other.

Tuesday held another victory. I still needed to secure movie passes for our dodgeball tournament prizes. Chris and I ventured down to Vision Max Cinema in neighboring Salisbury to drop off the in-kind letter to the manager. I was pleasantly surprised when he said, "Oh, yeah. How many do you need?" and went to his office to get five passes for us. This was a moment of joy for me because I'll be doing this type of stuff all of next year. I knew I was capable of it – I just needed to get my first victory.

The Seabrook team spent Wednesday morning at Hampton Beach. But we weren't there for the beautiful views – we were there to help out the Blue Ocean Society with a beach clean up. Timberland, one of our national sponsors, organized multiple Earth Day projects for Wednesday, Thursday and a day next week. My team was with a few other City Year teams, some people from Timberland and roughly 200 middle school students. This particular service project involved a lot of standing around and waiting for the students; they were responsible for collecting most of the trash. We didn't lie around all day, though. My teammate Bear, my good friend Dylan and I teamed up and combed the beach for trash. We only collected about four pounds of trash, but that hour on the beach was great. I don't often get the chance to slow down and talk to my fellow corps members during the day. Wednesday gave me the opportunity, so it was a success.

Next up: Earth Day, Big Ol' Day of Prep, GYSD Eve – otherwise known as Thursday. We spent almost the entire day finishing up last minute preparations for GYSD at Seabrook Middle School. Some people stenciled the front mural at the school, others went to South Main Street park to work. I was all over the place. We had to pick up mulch in Hampton Falls, then come back to school to unload a big truck trailer with athletic dirt. There was a lot going on but nothing too extreme. Lunchtime was a nice break. We went to the Seabrook Rec Center for lunch with a special guest – Taylor, our team buddy! He bought us all ice cream which we ate under the shade of the trees on the trail. It was relaxing but then it was back to work. The afternoon went very quickly but we got everything done by 5:30 – a thrilling victory.

Friday was the final day of a mega-crazy week. It could have been incredibly stressful, but for me it was amazing. The morning started with some preparation, a presentation to the school and the whole shebang started. I was stationed at the front of the school working with the art teacher and a bunch of eighth graders hand-picked for the project. Because we had picked certain students, we ran into trouble when we realized a few were absent. But the art teacher was very flexible; we took a few students from other groups and got to work.

The mural was designed to complement the two past City Year teams had already painted on the other sides of the front planter. The mural painted last year featured various outstanding places found along Route 1and the other was a celebration of the beach. The mural we painted this year focused on the state of New Hampshire as a whole and featured the state insignia, such as the state mascot (The Old Man of the Mountain) and the state bug (ladybug). The absolute best part of this week was watching a group of students work intently on this mural, using small paintbrushes to fill in the small pieces. Our whole goal with this day is to give students a chance to serve, to create a transformation in their communities. If they have ownership of something, they'll have pride in it and will want to protect it. I'm glad that my eighth graders got to leave behind something when they graduate.

In the afternoon, after the students were done with the projects, my mom showed up to check our service. She got the chance to meet my best friends and fellow corps members, help out a little bit with cleanup and even participate in an authentic Seabrook debrief. Welcoming people from outside of City Year into our circles and service is the best way to show others how powerful a group of young idealists can be. It was a great day!

A Week of Major Improvements

I was a bit nervous coming into this week. I had spent the weekend away from home with my brother and was returning with him to work. My team leader and teammates were fine with it but the feelings of leisure were lingering. Thankfully, the day was a success! My brother got the opportunity to meet students and people I've talked about countless times and gain a deeper understanding of the work I do. Even though he didn't spend the whole day with me, I was happy to have him there to support me in my transition back into service.

I was overjoyed in math class when "Shirley" asked for my help in solving two-step equations. She was confused on how to do some of the early steps but did the first one correctly – she wrote down the problem. From there, we worked out how to solve the equation. She was still shaky on the process, so she asked for help on number two. We ended up doing the rest of the problems together and even checked our work on the fourth. Shirley can be reserved and resistant to doing work sometimes. But on Monday, she was a math whiz. I want her to know how intelligent she is and the places her intelligence can take her. I hope that I am able to illuminate those things in the next two months.

"Sally" continues to impress me with her amiability and work ethic. She told me that I had to check out her game board that she created for a social studies project. She got her dad to cut out a piece of wood and she finished it over the weekend. At least, she thought she finished -- there were missing elements – but I pointed those out to her and she took care of them. My students are on the ball and I love it.

In English class, the students are working on poetry packets. The first one contains the poem "Sir Patrick Spens," a work written in the Scottish dialect. This poem is posing many students trouble, including "Erica." Erica speaks English as a second language, so she is doubly struggling with the odd spellings of words. To her credit, she tried very hard and picked up the words quickly with a little guidance. Still, it was difficult to guide her learning both because of my own mental fog and because we were sitting next to three students who were laughing too loudly for us to concentrate. Next time we're around a boisterous group, I ought to ask the student I'm working with if she'd like to go to another part of the classroom or out to the Pod. But even if students don't understand these poems completely, I'm glad that they're being exposed to works that are pushing their abilities instead of being coddled with childish poems.

Wednesday morning started with a snafu. Our van keys were missing so we had to take another van. I know I have to roll with the punches, but I was hoping to take care of some things during my planning period. Since some necessary materials were in the other van, I was unable to take care of them on Wednesday.

The confusion continued into first period math class. I was left in charge of teaching how to solve proportions with cross multiplication. I enjoy having the opportunity to teach but I felt like I was not being clear in my explanations. Teaching is an art and I was not feeling very artistic that day. Luckily, I was able to go around and work one-on-one with students to more clearly explain the process. I feel like I excel at that – being able to work directly with one student at a time.

Social studies served as the polar opposite of math class. The teacher handed out listings of their grades and gave students the entire class period to work on missing assignments. My mind, most of the time, loves this type of logical and orderly setup. The items to do were clearly identified and I feel fulfilled when I see those items knocked off. What made this whole period better was "Sophia's" incredible work ethic. She is missing many assignments but she got right down to work. She was able to do three entire things before the end of the period. Other students who are also failing did some work as well. I'm hoping they are able to bump up their grades.

My pride in my students grew by leaps and bounds at the end of the day. There was a substitute in English so the class was told to work on their poetry packets. Students were given the chance to work in groups; quite a few groups devolved into social circles. But all of my seven students were working quietly independently or with each other. They're an intelligent group and just need encouragement and positive reinforcement to improve their grades.

Thursday was a day of looking forward. I spent some time in the afternoon working on the dodgeball tournament that we are hosting in a few weeks. One of my roles in the preparation is to in-kind five movie passes as prizes for the winning team. In-kinding is the process of getting physical goods, such as food and materials, donated to a project we're running. I'll be doing a lot of work like this next year as the Resource Development Project Leader but I don't have much experience with it. I'm hoping that I'll be successful in securing the donations or else I'm in for a rough year.

Starting on Tuesday and continuing the rest of the week, lack of sleep began to effect my service and outlook. I recognize that when I'm lacking sleep, I need to make the sacrifice of my free time after work and go to bed earlier. If I'm not well-rested and ready to go, then I'm not performing as well as I could. I also feel like there is a lot more that I should be doing. GYSD is coming up and there are many tasks that go into our preparation for it. I don't want to be skirting anything if there's work to be done. On Tuesday, my uneasiness was tempered when our team leader Chris took us to South Main Street Park and showed us the areas we'd be working on. He told us that we would be spending the end of this week – including all of Friday – preparing for GYSD.

After Homework Help on Thursday, the Seabrook team returned to South Main Street Park to prepare one of our projects for GYSD. When we told the students we'd be doing service there, they said, "Oh! That place is terrible! People do drugs there!" That's exactly what we're trying to change. One of the projects we'll be doing is painting a mural on the concession stand. The mural design was drawn by a student from the sixth grade. I hope that once students see their creations and hard work manifested in visible physical changes, they will take pride in these areas that are now seen as crummy.

The last thing we did as a team on Thursday was prepare for our Community Meeting. A Community Meeting is a chance for the entire CY site to unite and reflect on our service. They happen once a month and each one is led by a different team. Ours is the last Tuesday of April and we're hoping to do something phenomenal. Each of us had taken a separate part on Monday and had a few days to contemplate how it would look. I don't want to talk too much about it now --- it might spoil the surprise – but I am really excited about it and I think it's going to be phenomenal.

We spent the entirety of Friday preparing for GYSD. I was concerned that it would be overwhelming, like the long final prep days for Winter Camp and Starry Starry Night, but it went well. The Seabrook team has a few additions to our team for GYSD, so they came with us to check out the sites of our projects and prepare some pieces. Unfortunately, the weather was dismal – it was actually hailing – but we got a lot accomplished. We had a few older murals made of wood and canvas that we cannibalized to make into smaller murals. I spent most of my time sawing wood. After my time at a previous service project that involved sawing, I was not feeling capable with a saw. But after Friday, boy – I was sawing like a maniac. It was good to get back and do some good physical service. Of course, I was exhausted at the end of the day but it was a day very well spent.

No Respect

Monday was a very rough day. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to work; I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. Before we head off to school, we perform a readiness check to ensure we're starting the day with a positive can-do attitude and a mind ready to serve, among other things. I didn't get those things until later in the morning. In math class, the students were told not to use calculators for a worksheet. Most bemoaned this and yelled at me for taking theirs away. I know that they need practice doing this work by hand, but I sympathize with them. They are coddled at times and expected to rely solely on their calculators – no wonder that they're unable to work out equations involving negative numbers. Perhaps the most disheartening thing of the morning was hearing a paraprofessional express a lack of faith in their abilities. I really need to start challenging those around me to expect more of the students and themselves, especially the students themselves.

The classes in the afternoon were a little better. Students are continuing to create their notebooks on the circulatory and respiratory systems in science class. The teacher has changed her lessons for this unit from the more traditional lecture and discussion to an artistic creation and discovery of the body. I think that many students are taking to this method and enjoying the class periods a little more than they usually do. Of course some students still grumble about having to do work, but I am glad that the teacher is implementing different approaches to learning for the students.

In English, I got to spend time with "Samuel," "Sophia" and "Erica" working on their poetry packets. I love poetry but I understand why others could be disinterested. I think I made some victories with them, especially Erica. She was born in another country and doesn't recognize some of our idioms, like "It's raining cats and dogs." Since poetry utilizes the meaning of language to illustrate feelings and ideas, she is at a disadvantage. But she never gave up, and that's the victory.

The roughest part of Tuesday was the realization that some of the students I work with really do not respect me. "Alyssa" has always been seemingly resistant to my help; since the first day she has said,"Okay, go away" after I've finished helping her. I have brushed aside these comments because her attitude is her biggest struggle. I knew that I had to work around those types of reactions to help her grow. But recently these sorts of comments have become the norm with too many other students. In the coming weeks, I need to seriously address these behaviors. But for now, it's a little frustrating to have students seemingly despise you for no reason. I know that they're not lashing out at me but are frustrated and unsure of things. Nevertheless, it's hard.

After school on Tuesday, half of our team arrived back at the main office well before the other half, which was at Seacoast Youth Service for our afterschool program. Instead of working on the many tasks that I have coming up, I met up with Allie, the Resource Development Project Leader. She led a fundraising competition over the past few months; the top fifteen who sold raffles to the largest number of people would win sweet City Year swag. I spent about a half hour modeling the various pieces of clothing to my team and other corps members. It was a hard decision, but I went with the lady's cardigan – even though it's a bit too tight. I know that it was silly, but it made the day a little sweeter. I look forward to filling Allie's boots next year as entertainer and fundraiser extraordinaire.

Wednesday was a strange day. The eighth grade English teacher took about thirty students to Logan Airport for an Aviation Expo. Since she was gone, the students didn't have English class and were transplanted into other rooms. A lot of students from my social studies class were on the field trip so the social studies teacher had to scramble to fill up class time. Students were told to do their homework first, then a word search – unless they had older assignments to complete. "Sophia" had older assignments, so I tried to get her to split her time between the word search and another paper. While she was haggling me, the teacher came over and told her to work on the older assignment. This infuriated Sophia, who complained about other people telling her what to do. I spent a few minutes telling her not to let the behavior of others affect her future – if she fails to get a good education, she's going to suffer being told what to do the rest of her life. Even though she said, "I don't care if I fail this," I was able to get her to start working on her assignment. When my legs started to tire from squatting, I got a chair. Upon my return, I was delighted to see her working on her own. "What a victory!" I thought.

That was until the other students at the area started to pack up their things. Sophia mimicked them but I told her no, to do three more. We got one done and she started to shut her books. When I inserted my hand to keep her working and told her to do just one more, she shouted, "No!" and slammed her book, leaping from her seat.

I was furious. I found it so frustrating that Sophia didn't realize how simple it is for her to succeed academically and that's all I'm trying to do – push her to do the work that she is completely capable of finishing. After some reflection I realized she was probably trying to save face in front of the other students in the class – she doesn't want to be known as the idiot who City Year needs to help. Still, I feel disrespected. I have nothing but the best of intentions and when others spit on me constantly, I feel abused and diminished. It's a terrible feeling.

But by Thursday, Sophia was getting down to business. In each of her classes, she was doing the assignments with no complaining and no prodding – it was exquisite. I kept my distance from her because I felt that our relationship was damaged by the events of Wednesday. But halfway through social studies, Sophia came up to me to ask a question and I knew we would be fine. I think that I need to keep my distance from her and realize that she is only willing to do the basic level of work; I can't force her to do more because she will shut down completely. I'm just hoping she keeps up with this work ethic so she won't fall further behind.

Friday was a great day. During our Idealist Journey session, we discussed the things we would like to change about City Year. Since I am the only corps member from my IJ team returning to City Year next year, I am glad that I was able to find out how others felt. It will help me make a better environment for the first year corps members arriving in July.

The majority of the afternoon was spent in a session on diversity in the corps. The workshop was designed to illustrate how each of us brings a different set of experiences to our service. The first breakdown was based on socioeconomic status and the second was on religion. During both, every person was very respectful and open-minded during those three and a half hours. This was especially necessary with the religion session. One's socioeconomic status is not something that children and young adults can control whereas religion concerns one's personal beliefs about the world and our place in it. Thankfully, we had the chance to learn about each others' experiences and correct some misperceptions. These sorts of workshops help unite us as a corps and reinforce our open hearts and open minds when we go out into a world of incredible diversity.

Out Like A Lamb

What a week this was! I started the week in a foul mood and ended it in a very good place. I still don't know what put me in the dumps, but it made the first four days of my week dreadful. Luckily, we had Monday off as compensation for working on Saturday at Starry Starry Night and I had taken Tuesday off a few weeks ago. I am glad that I wasn't at work those two days, infecting my team and my students. Still, I was in a nasty place. I didn't want to come to work and I considered not coming back next year. I knew that I couldn't do well unless I wanted to be at City Year; if my heart wasn't in it, my mind and body couldn't be either.

When I woke up Wednesday, I still didn't want to go in to work. I was in a bad way. I went to first period math class and most of my students asked me where I was on Monday and Tuesday. They were clearly bothered that they hadn't seen me in a long time. This was the worst part of the week for me. One of the things we strive for as WSWC team members is to be the one constant in a child's life. If that student has nothing else in her life that is stable, we are the force that they can cling to. So when I'm not there, I could be taking away the stability from them. The lesson I'll take away from this week is that I need to tell my kids when I won't be there and why. Just because they're younger than me doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same explanation I give my teammates and bosses.

After school concluded for the day, Bear and I headed off to our afterschool program at Seacoast Youth Services. This was the first week of the new spring programs. Wednesday is Team Sports day but since the nearby field was a swampy mess, we stayed inside and played board games. Bear and I went upstairs to play Risk with a few kids. Risk is one of those games that can end life-long friendships in one sitting, so I knew we'd be heading into a maelstrom of fury. But luckily, none of the students reacted too poorly, although one boy quit, claiming the game is "stupid.”

The best moment of the program came when one student described the television show Thomas and Friends as "gay." I put the game on hold, got everyone's attention and chastised them for their use of that word. I told them that when they use that word to describe the things they don't like, they're putting down an entire group of people. I ended by saying, "I know that you all don't mean to do that because you're good kids with good hearts, but your language can be very powerful so be cautious." I was very serious with them and their faces reflected their understanding that they were wrong. Curbing the misuse of "gay" and "retarded" is something that I've been working on all year and I think I really got through to them. Overall, my time at SYS kicked my spirit into high gear.

By April 1st, I was ready to get back to work. Maybe it was the beautiful weather or maybe it was just the right time. Whatever it was, I had a great day of service. I had so many victories in math and FACS class; students had quizzes in both. I worked with some students and I know that I helped them get better grades. "Audrey" was very happy to get a 100% on her math quiz -- I gave her a high-five. I was a little frustrated with the grading of the math quizzes. There were only eight questions so if a student got one wrong, she would be knocked down immediately to an 88. Two wrong and she'd have a 75. But I must celebrate the fact that my kids want to do better and are doing better. I'm quite proud of them.

"Whitney" asked for help on some computer assignments Thursday afternoon; she said that she just doesn't understand how to do them. She is on the softball team and needs to bring her grade up so she can stay on the team. We completed one during Learning Lab and I told Whitney that we would definitely work on more. She had to edit an Excel spreadsheet according to some directions. While she was working, I repeatedly remarked how interesting it was. I told her how glad I was to work with her because I was learning things too. Hopefully she saw that it's okay to be interested in academic things. I'm proud that Whitney sought me out even though I am not in her computer class. She knew that I'd be able to help her with her work. I have a very good relationship with Whitney and I know that I've improved her self-confidence and made her want to do better in school.

I got to work on Friday and was very excited. Wide open blue skies, a (nearly) united corps and so much to accomplish -- the potential was overwhelming. We spent some time in the morning discussing legacy projects with our team. Many brain babies were born during that session. The first half was about things that would "walk away with the student" as Kim, one of our managers, said: t-shirts for the eighth graders as graduation presents, an awards ceremony, a carnival. These came from our desire to celebrate Seabrook and the students who are going on to greatness and bigger worlds. Then we started developing projects that will last for years: murals at school, projects along Route 1 in Seabrook and clearing out trails behind the school. I ingested all of the possibilities and nearly burst with excitement -- there is so much we can do and not enough time. I just have to do what I can to accomplish as much as I can while I still have time.

After lunch, we had some more time to work as a team. This time, we worked on a fundraiser that Bear created for April break. We are going to hold a dodgeball tournament at Seabrook Middle School. Halfway through our discussion, I realized how great it is to have other people who are extremely capable and willing to do work on my team. There is no reason for me to try to do everything. There is so much that I'm responsible for and I need to remember that if I need help, I can just ask for it.

The end of the day was spent in a relay race learning about environmentalism. It was similar to the Carmen Sandiego game about social change movements in that it was a contest and I became furious when I was losing. But this time, I was ready. I decided to give up on winning and focus on accomplishing the tasks and learning. As I told Bobby, if I didn't stop caring about winning I would throw up -- and nobody wants that. My reward for taking a step back and being happy? Two cups of flowers that are now on my front porch -- a perfect metaphor for this week and the end of March. The warmth and beauty of a new birth has come to New Hampshire and my heart is opening up again. I know that I'll be sad again, some day, but I'm looking forward to a future of joy and satisfaction. April, it's nice to meet you.

Rain, Victories and Frustrations

What a phenomenal start to the week I had! During our morning greeting for students and faculty, Chris and I made the door opening a bit more entertaining. The door to Seabrook Middle School can be opened by the press of a button. I stood a few feet back, welcomed some students to the school rodeo and lassoed the door open (with Chris' help, of course). It was pretty hilarious. Our morning greetings are designed to get kids excited for school – I think the lasso routine helped.

I had two big victories on Monday that I'm quite proud of. The first occurred in math. On the previous Friday, the students were given a worksheet that required them to convert rates. For example, they had to convert 45 feet per hour into feet per minute. Some of the problems were more difficult and a paraprofessional was convinced that the students couldn't accomplish them. "Alyssa" believed her, but took out her worksheet in class anyway. I asked her why she didn't have all of the problems done. She replied that they were too hard. I told her, "You can do these," and we got to work. With some of the trickier ones (converting hours to seconds), I used a technique I learned in high school science. I don't know if Alyssa will remember that technique, but the victory was her realizing she is capable of any math problems with some hard work and encouragement.

Later in the day, I discovered that "Sally" is failing English class. She made Honorable Mention for the second trimester, so there's no excuse why she now has an F in that class. She showed me why: she has received two zeroes on the quizzes she has taken so far. They are reading The Giver in English and while they are already on chapter 19 -- near the end of the book -- Sally has not read a single page because it is "boring." I made a deal with her: if she read chapter 19, I'd read it too and we'd discuss it. While she still claims the book is boring -- something that pains my English Literature major heart to hear -- we did talk about the chapter briefly after class and I know that she will pass the next quiz. Hooray!

I was pretty tired when I woke up on Tuesday and the rain pouring outside did not help lift my spirits. But I told myself to get happy and I started feeling better. When I arrived at Timberland, I danced in the rain with members from all three WSWC teams. It was pretty rad. Since it was Tuesday, we missed first period to do PT in the Seacoast community. We headed down to the gazebo where we had our first teambuilding day way back in September. On that day, the sun was shining but this time, we were the ones bringing energy and light to that Hampton shopping center. We did some incredibly powerful PT; I love my team and their enthusiasm.

After PT, we went to a coffee shop and discussed "The Jungle," a workshop we would be leading in the afternoon with the fifth graders. "The Jungle" is designed to teach people about racism, classism and the disparity between communities' resources and treatment. Participants are divided into four groups. The Lions are the wealthiest and are given a great deal of leeway. The resources and support recedes as you go down the line from Lions to Cheetahs to Snakes until you arrive at the Beetles. This group is forced into a corner and treated like dirt. Students in my group, the Cheetahs, were flustered at the unfair treatment. Several complained loudly that the Lions were given "whatever they want." But two students in particular were furious at the situation, saying that they hate City Year and hated the Lions. I talked with both, individually, and told them that we never wanted to make them upset. We want them to see that there are some people who are treated better because they have more. If they (the students) have a lot of things and are comfortable with their life, they should remember how they felt during the workshop and try to make those who have less feel better. They are capable of changing the world, even if it's only by a little bit. A simple act of kindness to a classmate makes this world a better place to be. I think I got through to them and they didn't end the day miserable. It was a victory, but one hard fought for. (A huge shoutout to the Civic Engagement team, who came and helped us; they were an essential piece to the success of this project.)

It was another day of rain on Wednesday, but it was the first day in a while that I've woken up and been super excited for work. All I needed was to get to bed before 10:00 instead of a few minutes after. Wednesday was the first day that Charlie was back, but Bear was home and Chris was in the office. While we didn't have a united team, we were all happy to have Charlie back.

In math class, the students spent time doing division problems with variables. Most of the students did not know that you can cancel some variables if they are on the top and bottom of a fraction. I illustrated how on the board and I think that a few students picked up on it. It's a little confusing, but these students need others to believe in them, to push them to do the challenging problems. If they can enter high school with more self-confidence, they will be able to achieve a lot more. I know that some of my students are apprehensive of entering a new world in a few months. "Whitney" confessed that she's afraid that she'll get a problem wrong in class and be made fun of by students from neighboring towns. Unfortunately, the town of Seabrook is looked on by some people from nearby communities, even though there is nothing that different among the towns. I told her and the students sitting around her that they are amazing, intelligent people and the students from other schools aren't any better than them. I told them they are definitely capable of going to college, just like my friend Chris (who came to my college from Seabrook). I wanted to tell them so much more, to instill in them pride and self-confidence, but it will take time. I truly believe that these kids are capable of greatness – they can't let the slings and arrows of others knock them down.

My day wasn't all about seriousness. "Samuel" and his friend have been discussing Pokemon since Monday, when Samuel called me "Poliwag." Back on Monday, his friend was down in the dumps and talking about Pokemon perked him up. So today, when they started talking about Pokmeon, I listened to them. I want to make more of a connection with Samuel and I think that being jovial with him will help. He told me two Pokemon jokes on Wednesday that made me giggle in the back of the classroom. The best was, "Why don't you take a Pokemon in the shower? Because it might Pikachu!" I shared the jokes with so many people – my teammates, our team buddy, and other staff people. It was something that rippled quite far and I need to tell Samuel how much he entertained us. It might give him some self-confidence.

The social studies teacher returned triumphantly from a three-day conference on Thursday. I was happy that he was back and ready to shake things up. During the first three days of this week, students were sitting at their desk reading packets and taking notes. Today, however, they were divided into groups for a lesson on Egypt. Each group was responsible for reading a few pages from the book then drawing notes on a poster. Students took notes after each group presented. They needed at least ten before they could complete their homework assignment, a paragraph on life in Egypt. I was delighted to see each of my students taking notes without prompting. I don't want to treat them like kindergartners who need every instruction dictated to them, so I'm proud that they're doing things independently.

Friday was a very weird day. It was snowing on the way to work and by the afternoon, it was sunny. The weather reflected my mental frame as I was all over the place during the day. The morning started slow because most people seemed to be unenthusiastic. Perhaps it is because the weather was wintry and people had gotten used to spring. But then we went inside for more information on the Starry Starry Night rollout. Starry Starry Night is our huge fundraising gala; the Resource and Development team has been working on it for months. Partway through the Q2Q run-through, I started to panic. There were so many moving parts and I didn't want to mess anything up. But then I became excited by the prospect of meeting and talking with numerous City Year supporters from across the state. By the end of the morning, I just didn't know what to think. Basically, I was just overwhelmed by the whole event. Thankfully, everyone around me told me not to worry. I realized that once the day started, I would be fine -- once I started working, I wouldn't have time to freak out.

During our IJ session, we were discussing the trajectory of our spirit and purpose over the past seven months. I confessed that I am at a lower point than I was when I started in September. While the rest of the team discussed their charts, I realized why I've been unhappy lately. I feel like I'm someone that others look to constantly for energy, optimism and dedication. And, for the most part, that's okay with me. I know that most of the time I can help motivate others to be better. But sometimes, I just don't feel good. In those moments, I need others to recognize that I need time to step back; they need to pick up the slack. Maybe it's a little selfish. I do know that I can't stay like this forever. I'd be letting down my teammates and, more importantly, my students. But I can't force myself out of a funk. It will happen -- hopefully soon.

The Hardest Week So Far

A constant downpour greeted me on Monday morning. I was still excited for a great week of service and danced in the rain, waiting for the rest of my team to arrive. We headed to school but after getting off I-95 in Seabrook, we noticed something was amiss. All of the streetlights were off and stores were dark. When we arrived at school, they told us that the school had a two-hour delay. We retreated to Timberland for a brief period of time then headed back to Seabrook. It was more than a little disappointing to discover that school was closed. As pleased as I was to have a break from the routine, I was not happy that I wouldn't be able to work with my students.

I didn't waste the day, though. The team spent some time before lunch discussing some of our students, giving each other advice on how to approach each child. We spent the most time on "Charles," a seventh-grader who has very destructive tendencies. Amber is hindered in her ability to make progress with Charles; he is unresponsive most of the time and when Amber is able to make some headway, Charles decimates whatever work he's accomplished when she turns her back. It is excruciating for me to interact with him and I don't even see him more than five minutes a day. But Amber seemed to glean some new tactics from the discussion. If she is unwilling to give up on Charles then he is in good hands; Amber has much more patience and a bigger heart than I do when working with students like Charles. She told us Tuesday that some of the tips worked. Charles was able to get down to work and completed his assignment with no prompting. This was the first time all year that it's happened.

On Tuesday, things were back to normal at Seabrook Middle School. In social studies, students were working on a one day project, creating an advertisement for an African locale. All of the students were working hard on it and many of my seven got theirs finished! What a good class. "Samuel" got his done and was working on his diligently throughout the class. I'm proud of him since he was working next to a good friend of his. Samuel's biggest problem, I think, is his desire to please others. He'll sublimate himself if it means that other people will talk with him. I plan on getting him to realize he's worth something regardless of the opinions of those around him.

My work during science class was not quite as productive at the time, but good things will come of it. The students watched a movie on male pubescent changes; some students weren't allowed to watch it because they failed to turn in their permission slips and spent the period in the library doing bookwork. The teacher was out and I wanted to make sure the paraprofessional wasn't overwhelmed by the laughing and giggling of immature eighth graders, so I stayed for a second period of science. The students were actually fine, so I left and headed to the library. "Lauren" and "Shirley" hadn't done more than one answer. I got down to work with them but it was like pulling teeth. However, the victory for the day was working with Lauren. She's one of Diane's students and I've never really worked with her, but I think she's more comfortable with me now. At least she'll start saying hello to me in the hallways.

Tuesday, right before I headed home, I was in a very sour mood. I'm not quite sure why I was predisposed to feel angry, but I know that when I realized I wouldn't be able to get home by 7:00 I became upset. I'm not sure what's going on with me, but in the middle of the week I was really not happy with how things were going. Maybe it's because I didn't know what I'm doing next year; I was still waiting until Friday to find out whether or not I got a senior corps position. Maybe it's the long hours. Maybe it was the long, cold, lonely winter as George Harrison would say. Whatever it is, I knew I needed to take a personal day. On Wednesday, I stayed home and enjoyed the good weather and thought about where I'm at. It didn't solve the unhappiness – there are bigger things in play with this situation – but I'm glad I wasn't at work to spread the disease to my teammates.

Thursday was a big day. The eighth graders took their first step into a much larger world: Winnacunnet High School. All of the students that will be attending Winnacunnet came together on Thursday to learn a little more about the world they'll be in for the next four years. The students from Seabrook were the first to arrive; I noticed how quiet they were as the other eighth graders entered the gym. Some of my students were nervous; "Audrey" asked me to sit next to her not because she wanted me around, but because she didn't want someone unfamiliar next to her. These kids, for all of their posturing and desire to be given independence, are still afraid of the unknown – like most adults, actually.

During lunch, students had to sit with others who have birthdays close to theirs. This forced them to be in close proximity to students from other schools. Whether they talked with them or not is another story. I did talk a little bit with "Whitney"; she asked me why I wasn't eating. It's a simple question, but it shows she's at least comfortable enough to talk with me. That's something I can't say for all of my students.

After lunch, students went on tours of the school to learn more about possible electives. I was proud to see that "Thomas" is so enthusiastic about the possibilities that high school presents – he marked down his top six choices when the guidance counselor only wanted five. I think the time management necessary to be successful in JROTC, trimester-long sports and passing classes will benefit Thomas. If he can learn to be kinder to others, he is going to go far.

Thursday evening was spent at our team buddy Taylor's house for a feedback session. Each member of the team had a chance to share praises and deltas for every person in a one-on-one session. Things have not been going smoothly on our team. I am not sure of the reason why. Some people aren't getting along and I think people are just feeling stressed and overwhelmed by our service and uncertainties about the coming year. At the beginning of the feedback session, I was not happy and I couldn't pinpoint why. Could I handle another year of City Year – if I was even offered a position? Is it the lack of free time? Is it the madness of frayed personal dynamics? But just having the chance to talk with other people on my team on a deeper level helped me feel better. It's something I will have to do more of in the future. Unfortunately, I think the problems on our team still exist – but at least now the path for communication has opened.

I was not sure what Friday would hold for me and City Year New Hampshire at its start, but I was optimistic. We traveled to UNH Manchester for "Life After AmeriCorps" with corps members from other AmeriCorps programs. I wasn't expecting much from the sessions I registered for – "12 Tips for Successful Networking" and "Grant Writing 101" – but they were worth attending. Debby, the facilitator for the Networking session, emphasized the importance of a natural connection, on being impressed by the other person. This focus on the loveliness of human interaction was what was lacking at the Comcast Career Day. And while I have never tried writing a grant and may not for the foreseeable future, attending a session on how to do it gave me a lot of tips and ideas for when that challenge arises.

The other major development of the day was the announcement of who received offers for senior corps positions. These announcements were done individually during lunch. This was a major thing, obviously, and I know that many others (including my best friend at CYNH) were all wrung out when faced with learning about the decision. I have never been one for celebrating myself. When I was younger, I hid my good grades because I didn't want others knowing me by my As or comparing themselves to me. There's more to me than my successes and failures. So I too was nervous about walking out of the room after learning that I received an offer for the Resource Development Project Leader position. My friend Dylan and teammate Bear were both congratulatory; Dylan cheered me on. But I slunk away for lunch in a secluded part of the building; I didn't want to be around to learn about others' positions. They would tell me when they felt comfortable.

Overall, I am excited about the prospects of next year. There are some changes that are coming to CYNH, the biggest being welcoming a new corps. But I know that being lost in the crystal ball of next year will ruin the remainder of this one. For the next three months, I am a proud member of the Timberland Seabrook Stone Soup Team. I owe my seven students, all of the students of Seabrook Middle School, my teammates, my sitemates and everyone I come in contact with my complete and unwavering dedication. This has been the hardest week of my City Year so far and I know that sometimes I am going to be unhappy. But that's okay -- that's part of this. But I won't force myself to stay there and celebrate my sadness. This work is too important to be a stick in the mud; my students and teammates deserve better. So I end this week on an optimistic note. I know I can make the next week better, so let's do it.

A Week of Rejuvenation

I did not start this week off on a good foot. I woke up exhausted and miserable on Monday. I didn't get enough sleep and my laptop's screen wasn't working. I really did not want to go to work – I just wanted to get back into bed. But my laptop started working again and it was enough to energize me. All I needed was something small to get me going. I went to work and did some great power greeting. I was disheartened a bit to find out that "Christine," one of my seven students that I am working with to keep in school and on track, moved to Portsmouth. But hopefully she'll be in a much better environment for success. I have to accept that I had some time that I was able to work with her and hope that I made a difference.

My team rushed back from school so I could be on time for my senior corps interview. I really have a great group of people working with me. The interview went smoothly and I feel comfortable with it. The interview process, in general, is an odd thing. It is an attempt to figure out what a person would be like in a certain situation without really seeing them operate. Luckily, Bobby and Ted (my interviewers) are aware of who I am and how I work based on the past few months. Still, it was a draining experience and I ended the day with a massive headache. But I was looking forward to Tuesday – a day to sleep in and hang out with my team!

I woke up refreshed and in a much better frame of mind on Tuesday. I only slept in an hour and a half later than most days, but it was enough to refresh me. "I feel good enough to work for six months straight," I told Amber on our ride into work. It was a really pleasant start to the morning. Spring is coming and I think I really need it.

Since Seabrook wasn't in session on Tuesday, our team spent the day in the office. The first hour or so of work was odd; it was as if I had nothing to do. This definitely isn't the case. Plans for Saturday's Destination Imagination competition were still fluctuating. Global Youth Service Day is coming up, and this will demand a lot of work from each of us on the Seabrook team. GYSD is a day when all of the students in our school participate in a huge service project. We are going to be working in four different sites around the Seacoast. My role is to work with Diane to help engage the Student Leadership Club as team leaders for the various projects, prepare an opening program for the day and help excite the students. It's a daunting task but if I get an hour or two to really contemplate it, I'll be able to handle it and do something phenomenal. I am looking forward to it – as long as I get a chance to clear my head soon.

I think that after Saturday, my mind will be a lot less fatigued. Saturday is the regional competition for Destination Imagination, the program that I have been helping to lead since November. A week ago, I thought we wouldn't be able to compete at all. On Tuesday I found out that we can still participate in the Instant Challenge, a portion of the competition that requires students to exercise their improvisation skills. After discovering this, I contacted our two team members and started figuring out general logistics for Saturday. It is way too late in the game to be pulling this all together, but I wanted to do what I could to give "Jacques" and "Mike" a day of celebration and a sense of finality to the year.

Unfortunately, Jacques decided that he was not interested in attending the competition on Saturday. This meant that we wouldn't be able to compete and "Mike" would have to come on his own if he wanted to check out the event. I was really sad and disappointed about it, but all I can do is move on and hope that I can do better with other things. Chris and I agreed that Mike has grown a lot this year. Between his involvement in DI and his work on the nascent school paper with Amber and a seventh grade teacher, Mike has become more of a leader and more capable when dealing with difficult situations. Though it may look like a failure, DI has given us a victory.

At the end of the first half of the week, I realized that I have been a lot more negative and cynical lately. Any remarks about DI have been frustrations and unhappiness. I need to get over myself and realize that my cynicism can bring down the morale of those around me. Additionally, when I spend most of the day lamenting the situation, I take away the chance for others to talk about their day – the good and the bad. Being aware of this flaw is an essential first step, but I must seek to put myself in a better frame of mind, every single day.

And by Wednesday morning, I was there -- ready and excited to work. Throughout this week, I have been much more engaging with students, smiling and laughing to make them happier to be at school. If I can make their days brighter, then I'm doing a great job. In science, we've started working on the reproductive system. It could be approached in a very detached way, but the science teacher has been welcoming all questions from students. I'm glad that she respects her class. When a student asked about the transgender man who gave birth to a baby, the teacher's response was respectful to both the student and the man; she didn't ignore the question or describe the situation as weird. I'm happy that the students at Seabrook are exposed to such tolerance.

My great mood continued on Thursday. Since the kids at Seabrook were dismissed at noon, we had a semi-team day. We had planned on having a picnic but the weather was not conducive for that. Instead, we went to a Mexican restaurant and played soccer and Frisbee in the Timberland parking lot. When the ladies left to pick up dresses for Starry Starry Night, the rest of the team worked on our team board. Each team made a board that will hang in the lobby of the Timberland building; ours looks really rad. Thursday was exactly what I needed to get myself back into the swing of things.

Friday was a very big day! We had our first large all corps service day in a few months, and it was made more special by the fact that many of us got to serve alongside our Timberland mentors. We went to IMEC in Andover, Massachusetts, a non-profit organization that collects hospital supplies to supply third-world countries with modern equipment and setups. As with most service projects, the first half hour or so was stressful and I didn't really know what was going on. But as soon as I got into a rhythm, I was all set. The group that my mentor and I were with working with was responsible for setting up pallets with equipment for exam rooms. My mentor and I were in charge of moving the completed pallets to a storage area. My legs were pretty tired by the end of the day, but I'm proud to say that we completed 33 rooms.

Not only was the work we did worthwhile, but it was a great chance to connect with my mentor. When you do service with someone, you get to see another side of them. You see how they work, their reaction to stressful situations, and you're bonded by accomplishing something together. It was a great end to the week and I am excited for another week of service to come!

P.S. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to add them! It'll reassure me that people are getting something out of this.

Struggling to Find My Path

My time at school on Monday was feeling a bit long at times. It's been hard for me to get excited about my work in school since I applied for a senior corps position a few weeks ago. I applied to become the Resource Development project leader, a position that involves leading the corps members in fundraising and reaching out to people through the visitors' program. I've been looking forward to next year and I need to be careful that it's not at the expense of this year. Of course, there is no guarantee that I will even be here next year – those decisions won't be made for another week or two. I can't get cocky.

It's not like I've been slacking off. In fact, I was forcing myself to get back into the school mindset on Monday. I had some victories with "Shirley" and "Christine." They were talking with each other in math and FACS class instead of doing their work. But I hunkered down and made them work. Ordering them to start their assignments didn't lead to anything productive; I instead targeted one girl at a time, walking them through their problems. When I did this, the other girl started watching and hopefully understood the material.

"Sophia" continues to impress me – at times – with her work effort. To be sure, she was not prepared for her presentation in social studies. But when the teacher handed her a listing of her grades, she immediately identified which assignments were incomplete and which had not been handed in. Later, in science, she separated the graded papers that were handed back by grades. There were four piles face up – ones in the 70s, ones in the 80s, another group of 90s and one 100. The fifth pile was face down. These were the ones she deemed unacceptable. She determined that she only wanted to get grades in the top three piles. With the third and final trimester approaching, I am excited to start on a good foot.

But by Tuesday, Sophia had a different mindset. She came to social studies unprepared for her presentation; she had to print out her script. I was disappointed when I saw that it contained about ten sentences – ten sentences for a three minute presentation. After class, the teacher asked me to have Sophia collect her notes and other pieces for the presentation to hand in. Sophia couldn't find them, so we went to check her locker. When they didn't jump out and bite her, she ran off, claiming she needed to get to lunch. I was very frustrated because she didn't take the time to look for her papers so she can get a passing grade. How can she pass if she's stuck in a cycle of simply making up late work and never handing things in on time?

I wasn't in my best form on Tuesday. I had to accept that students are going to be obstinate, refusing to do some part of their work. The biggest success of the day was putting up the Windows to Literacy board. Windows to Literacy is a project that was piloted by corps members from City Year Boston. It's an attempt to encourage students to read by showing that their favorite City Year corps members have favorite books and are currently reading them. My host at NELA, Brendan, told me about it and we have been working on it for a while at Seabrook. Charlie drew a wonderful picture of a house in the country for us to use as a makeshift window. Amber created the frame. Each person the team let me take a picture of them posing in the library with their favorite book. It came together just in time for Read Across America day on Wednesday.

Wednesday started off strong and stayed great throughout the day. Once again I realized the necessity of having a full stomach before service. I bought a muffin from the Gorge; my belly was filled and I was energetic. Having my team leader arrive at Seabrook Middle School dressed as the Cat in the Hat sealed the deal – Wednesday would be a great day.

I had some victories in school. I coaxed a smile from Shirley after calling her the "Triangle Master" and "Angle Master" again. I was delighted to hear her ask another student for clarification on a problem. "Thomas" and I were friendly in science and I'm hoping to become more of a mentor for him. I would like to start meeting with him during Learning Lab periods so I can make him feel better about his day. He reminds me of my friend Eric from grade school – a child who wants to be accepted but doesn't know how to do it without coming off as antagonistic.

I left Seabrook Middle School early to return to Timberland. I was participating in a Visitor's Program with another corps member; we would be talking about our experiences as City Year corps members with a community member. After that, I spent my time in the office working on odds and ends. I took the time to make another invitation on Facebook in an attempt to sell calendar raffles. These calendar raffles are the main method of fundraising for our Winter Camp last week; once we cover the cost of this year's camp, the remaining money raised will go towards programming for next year. I did sell a few -- I'm hoping to sell 100 before the month of March is over. Only 40 left!

I thought that Thursday would be another day of successes and feeling good about my service. Throughout the entire day of classes, I was on fire. I was connecting with students and taking opportunities to teach about other things. For example, "Erica" referenced that the people in Brazil speak the same language as those in her birth country, but it just sounds different. I told her and a few other students the reason why: back when the Europeans were sending explorers to the Americas, the Pope created the Line of Demarcation to separate Spanish-controlled lands from Portuguese-controlled lands. It wasn't the most exciting story, and "Sally" poked fun at me -- but I think they now know a little bit more about the Age of Exploration than they did before.

Then I went to our weekly meeting of Destination Imagination. For a variety of reasons, I don't think that we'll be able to compete at the regional competition on the 13th. This disappointed both members of our team. We only had two there on Thursday since the third quit -- though he didn't tell me about it; I received the information second-hand. Even though this opens up our schedule, I still feel like I failed at part of DI. It is the only thing that I regret about this year; there are many things that I could have done better.

My team members could tell that I was disappointed and frustrated. They did what they could to inject some cheer into my night. When Chris told me that he was proud of all I accomplished, the burden of disappointment felt lighter. There was still some stress that needed to be let loose; screaming along to "Once In A Lifetime" by Talking Heads on my drive home allowed me to release my frustration in a sensible way.

On Friday, the CYNH corps ventured down to the Boston headquarters for Comcast Career Day. We had five presentations on various topics relating to the corporate world. They were disheartening; I realized that City Year operates in a much different way from the way that the corporate world operates. I've said it many times before, but I believe that City Year's primary mission is to help people understand that they must appreciate others for their abilities, to meet others where they're at. According to the presentations filtered through the lens of the corporate world, people must always act in a way that will appeal to others. Appearance and networking are the ways to achieve success. I know that I am drastically oversimplifying both worlds, but that's how things felt to me throughout Friday.

The day ended with a session called "18 Minute Networking." It was like speed dating but with careers. I appreciate all of the work that went into it, but it overwhelmed me. I'm not ready to decide on a career or create a path for myself. The most enlightening and rewarding part of the day was a conversation I had with a security guard while a group of us were walking around Boston. I asked him how his day was, we talked briefly about the weather and I ended up telling him a little about City Year. From there, I got to hear a little about his life story – he grew up in the richest county in New York but didn't have anything there, so he stayed in Boston after college. He also said, "It doesn't matter how much you get paid, as long as it's rewarding." And I agree. If I get to spend the rest of my life making honest connections like I did with Lou the security guard, well, that's a life well spent.

The Curse of Mother Nature: City Year Winter Camp

This was an intense, demanding week, simultaneously disappointing and fulfilling. It was the week of City Year Winter Camp. All last weekend, I was pumped for it. On my drive to Trinity Church – the site of my region's first two days of camp – I couldn't wait to arrive. But it was hard -- really hard. My energy and optimism was slightly tarnished by the end of the first day, but I was able to reflect on what needed to change and I recovered my energy to help me and others through the rest of the week.

I think it would've helped to have more time with my co-team leader, Lauia, to develop a game plan for how we would work together and with our students. Creating a plan at the beginning of our sessions threw me off of my game; I wasn't comfortable. Since I'm a very strong North, I tended to take over during most of our team time. This is something I tried to avoid during the rest of the weeks since I didn't want Lauia to feel slighted or to take away from her involvement.

The hardest part of the day was dealing with the rambunctious and disinterested group of sixth graders. I instantly reverted to my former camp counselor mentality; my patience was minimal and I responded to most misbehaving students by ordering them to stop. Since I had to do this many, many times throughout Monday, I ended the day feeling frustrated and angry. I wanted students to listen and discuss the topics we covered, but they weren't being respectful. During our feedback and debrief session at the day's conclusion, Bear pointed out the problem with this kind of behavior. Though he was making a general comment on the day – and included himself in the group of people who relied on this approach – it helped me realize why my day was not as good as I wanted. I need to be much more patient and laugh off their behavior -- a technique I can use even after camp is over.

However, there were some great victories during the day. Two of them occurred after our Ubuntu workshop. Ubuntu is a shortened version of a Zulu proverb that means, "I am because you are" – my humanity is tied to yours. This is a pretty grand idea for City Year corps members for grasp, let alone for sixth graders. But one student, "Alfred," really understood the concept. He clearly explained his thoughts on the reason why the Celtics break on the word "ubuntu" before their games. "They work together as a team. They're a community because they're all working for the same goal and rely on each other to succeed," he said. I was so impressed by his insight. Later, "Thomas," a student that works with Diane, showed that he understood the concept. "You need other people. If you don't have other people, you don't matter." Thomas is a wise and intelligent young man, but he doesn't show it often enough. I'm hoping that his time at camp shows him he needs to let that wisdom out.

At the immediate end of Tuesday's day of work, I wanted camps to be over. It's just really disheartening to be spat in the face constantly and I didn't want to do it anymore. But after talking with some people on the camps team and other corps members, I felt that I could have an outstanding final two days of camp. Again, I was disappointed that some kids aren't being respectful but I'm the only one in charge of my emotions and reactions.

Going to bed Tuesday night, I mentally prepared myself to be full of energy, optimism and high spirits. I knew that our time at Camp Berea would be insane. When I saw the weather reports calling for heavy snow, I became even giddier. I knew that things were going to be incredible no matter what happened.

Two minutes before my roommate Moshe and I left for work, I received a phone call saying that camp was cancelled for the day. We were both disappointed but our sadness was immediately converted into a quest to make the day a major success. Our plan started off with food: get some snacks, drinks and donuts and feed the site. We arrived, set the food up, then began creating welcome posters. Joe, a senior corps member who helps out with running workshops and other program events, reacted positively to our idea to power greet the incoming corps and staff members.

We had some great responses. Taylor, one of the staff members, and other employees of the business park honked their horns and waved back. Unfortunately, when the two vans full of corps members from Manchester returned, my exuberance collided with the realism of the situation. Our trip to Camp Berea was cancelled and it was terrible. To see the frustration and sadness on the faces of my fellow corps members was sobering and I seriously considered stuffing my joy in a sack and going about my business.

But things weren't going to stay in that place for long. Bobby, the guy who is pretty much in charge of day to day operations of our programming, gave me the responsibility of leading a brainstorm for ways to welcome the Camps team back. We knew that they were going to be disappointed but we wanted to pump up their spirits so we could make the best of Thursday, the last day of camp. When many people gave suggestions, including those who had been devastated a half hour earlier, I felt much more comfortable with the situation. We were going to do some great things.

People broke into groups to work on the various ideas; that's how we spent the three hours before the camps team arrived. My stomach was going wild -- I was apprehensive, concerned that the camps team would not want to have us be so positive in the face of such a crummy situation. But when 2:00 rolled around, the corps members were waiting in the lobby, ready to go ahead. Bobby gave us the cue, and we went out to meet the camps team doing the chant that we use to start PT. It felt a little funny and possibly excessive to me, but it ended up being perfect. We stood in a line on the pathway to the Timberland building, chanting. Moshe called me up to the front of the line and that's when I lost it. I began stomping around and being as proud and ebullient as possible. When I heard the camps team join in with the chant, I knew things were going to be fine. They entered the building, greeted by other corps members who had balloons with thank you cards for all of them. We met up in a room and I led the site in regrouping and tried to put all of the love and positive energy into words. I wasn't as eloquent as I would've liked, but people were happy.

The whole day was a topsy-turvy one; I didn't do anything but be as positive and energetic as possible. By the end of the day, I think most people's spirits were improved. Obviously, nobody wanted the overnight part of camp to be cancelled. But some of the people who were most devastated by having to stay in the office today were the same ones who felt the day was actually a good one. I don't think I can say it enough -- I love this job and I love the human beings that I work with. What other job lets you spend the day planning a party to boost the spirits of your co-workers? People here just want good things for those around them. It's the greatest place I've ever been.

All of my week's energy was gone by Thursday morning. Since I had spent almost my whole Wednesday bursting with energy and positivity – in addition to having served at the first two days of Winter Camp – I was dragging. However, I was able to energize myself at key moments and help make the day a major victory. There was a lot of time for fun and games as well as some teachable moments. We ran two workshops during the day. "The Jungle" dealt with racism and classism. "The Privilege Line" focused on differences in our advantages and disadvantages as people. While some students took neither seriously, there was a lot of wisdom shared by campers during each.

A great part of the day was the appreciation activity at the day's conclusion. Campers had made journals at the beginning of the week; Thursday gave them the chance to go around and sign each others'. Several campers, including some who were not perfectly attentive throughout the camp, came up to me to ask me to sign their journals. I took the opportunity to praise them using mature language. I wanted all of them to know that they are important human beings – they are in charge of how they live their lives. Though it maybe wasn't as grand or majestic as two days at Camp Berea might have been, the last day of camp was a great success.

Friday was a strange day but a perfect cap to the week. It started with a power outage – a storm came through Thursday night and knocked out power across the New England region. It seems like Mother Nature is out to get us here at CYNH. Thankfully, she spared the Timberland building – a great thing, since we had a big day ahead of us. Jeff Swartz, the CEO of Timberland, talked with us about his worldview. It was an incredibly inspiring morning. You might expect a CEO to be stuffy and self-absorbed, but Jeff is an incredibly engaging human being. Whenever I hear an eloquent and intelligent speaker, I am in awe at their ability to put words together in a profound way. Dylan, Nate and others asked intelligent questions; Jeff had insightful answers. To close it out, Eddie, another corps member, gave Jeff a piece of art that he had created to thank Jeff for speaking with us. It was a replica of the Timberland logo made out of steel. I am still amazed by the greatness that this group of people possesses.

The camps team led us through a wrap up, giving us a chance to give pluses and deltas for the week. There were many deltas but even more positive energy. This week could have led to a lot of anger and resentment – the very nature of a four day event with so many moving parts can result in people getting bent out of shape. Yet everything rolled smoothly. Even with the cancelled portion of camp, things still went well. I'm proud of my fellow corps members and friends that helped to give me another great week.