Rain, Victories and Frustrations

What a phenomenal start to the week I had! During our morning greeting for students and faculty, Chris and I made the door opening a bit more entertaining. The door to Seabrook Middle School can be opened by the press of a button. I stood a few feet back, welcomed some students to the school rodeo and lassoed the door open (with Chris' help, of course). It was pretty hilarious. Our morning greetings are designed to get kids excited for school – I think the lasso routine helped.

I had two big victories on Monday that I'm quite proud of. The first occurred in math. On the previous Friday, the students were given a worksheet that required them to convert rates. For example, they had to convert 45 feet per hour into feet per minute. Some of the problems were more difficult and a paraprofessional was convinced that the students couldn't accomplish them. "Alyssa" believed her, but took out her worksheet in class anyway. I asked her why she didn't have all of the problems done. She replied that they were too hard. I told her, "You can do these," and we got to work. With some of the trickier ones (converting hours to seconds), I used a technique I learned in high school science. I don't know if Alyssa will remember that technique, but the victory was her realizing she is capable of any math problems with some hard work and encouragement.

Later in the day, I discovered that "Sally" is failing English class. She made Honorable Mention for the second trimester, so there's no excuse why she now has an F in that class. She showed me why: she has received two zeroes on the quizzes she has taken so far. They are reading The Giver in English and while they are already on chapter 19 -- near the end of the book -- Sally has not read a single page because it is "boring." I made a deal with her: if she read chapter 19, I'd read it too and we'd discuss it. While she still claims the book is boring -- something that pains my English Literature major heart to hear -- we did talk about the chapter briefly after class and I know that she will pass the next quiz. Hooray!

I was pretty tired when I woke up on Tuesday and the rain pouring outside did not help lift my spirits. But I told myself to get happy and I started feeling better. When I arrived at Timberland, I danced in the rain with members from all three WSWC teams. It was pretty rad. Since it was Tuesday, we missed first period to do PT in the Seacoast community. We headed down to the gazebo where we had our first teambuilding day way back in September. On that day, the sun was shining but this time, we were the ones bringing energy and light to that Hampton shopping center. We did some incredibly powerful PT; I love my team and their enthusiasm.

After PT, we went to a coffee shop and discussed "The Jungle," a workshop we would be leading in the afternoon with the fifth graders. "The Jungle" is designed to teach people about racism, classism and the disparity between communities' resources and treatment. Participants are divided into four groups. The Lions are the wealthiest and are given a great deal of leeway. The resources and support recedes as you go down the line from Lions to Cheetahs to Snakes until you arrive at the Beetles. This group is forced into a corner and treated like dirt. Students in my group, the Cheetahs, were flustered at the unfair treatment. Several complained loudly that the Lions were given "whatever they want." But two students in particular were furious at the situation, saying that they hate City Year and hated the Lions. I talked with both, individually, and told them that we never wanted to make them upset. We want them to see that there are some people who are treated better because they have more. If they (the students) have a lot of things and are comfortable with their life, they should remember how they felt during the workshop and try to make those who have less feel better. They are capable of changing the world, even if it's only by a little bit. A simple act of kindness to a classmate makes this world a better place to be. I think I got through to them and they didn't end the day miserable. It was a victory, but one hard fought for. (A huge shoutout to the Civic Engagement team, who came and helped us; they were an essential piece to the success of this project.)

It was another day of rain on Wednesday, but it was the first day in a while that I've woken up and been super excited for work. All I needed was to get to bed before 10:00 instead of a few minutes after. Wednesday was the first day that Charlie was back, but Bear was home and Chris was in the office. While we didn't have a united team, we were all happy to have Charlie back.

In math class, the students spent time doing division problems with variables. Most of the students did not know that you can cancel some variables if they are on the top and bottom of a fraction. I illustrated how on the board and I think that a few students picked up on it. It's a little confusing, but these students need others to believe in them, to push them to do the challenging problems. If they can enter high school with more self-confidence, they will be able to achieve a lot more. I know that some of my students are apprehensive of entering a new world in a few months. "Whitney" confessed that she's afraid that she'll get a problem wrong in class and be made fun of by students from neighboring towns. Unfortunately, the town of Seabrook is looked on by some people from nearby communities, even though there is nothing that different among the towns. I told her and the students sitting around her that they are amazing, intelligent people and the students from other schools aren't any better than them. I told them they are definitely capable of going to college, just like my friend Chris (who came to my college from Seabrook). I wanted to tell them so much more, to instill in them pride and self-confidence, but it will take time. I truly believe that these kids are capable of greatness – they can't let the slings and arrows of others knock them down.

My day wasn't all about seriousness. "Samuel" and his friend have been discussing Pokemon since Monday, when Samuel called me "Poliwag." Back on Monday, his friend was down in the dumps and talking about Pokemon perked him up. So today, when they started talking about Pokmeon, I listened to them. I want to make more of a connection with Samuel and I think that being jovial with him will help. He told me two Pokemon jokes on Wednesday that made me giggle in the back of the classroom. The best was, "Why don't you take a Pokemon in the shower? Because it might Pikachu!" I shared the jokes with so many people – my teammates, our team buddy, and other staff people. It was something that rippled quite far and I need to tell Samuel how much he entertained us. It might give him some self-confidence.

The social studies teacher returned triumphantly from a three-day conference on Thursday. I was happy that he was back and ready to shake things up. During the first three days of this week, students were sitting at their desk reading packets and taking notes. Today, however, they were divided into groups for a lesson on Egypt. Each group was responsible for reading a few pages from the book then drawing notes on a poster. Students took notes after each group presented. They needed at least ten before they could complete their homework assignment, a paragraph on life in Egypt. I was delighted to see each of my students taking notes without prompting. I don't want to treat them like kindergartners who need every instruction dictated to them, so I'm proud that they're doing things independently.

Friday was a very weird day. It was snowing on the way to work and by the afternoon, it was sunny. The weather reflected my mental frame as I was all over the place during the day. The morning started slow because most people seemed to be unenthusiastic. Perhaps it is because the weather was wintry and people had gotten used to spring. But then we went inside for more information on the Starry Starry Night rollout. Starry Starry Night is our huge fundraising gala; the Resource and Development team has been working on it for months. Partway through the Q2Q run-through, I started to panic. There were so many moving parts and I didn't want to mess anything up. But then I became excited by the prospect of meeting and talking with numerous City Year supporters from across the state. By the end of the morning, I just didn't know what to think. Basically, I was just overwhelmed by the whole event. Thankfully, everyone around me told me not to worry. I realized that once the day started, I would be fine -- once I started working, I wouldn't have time to freak out.

During our IJ session, we were discussing the trajectory of our spirit and purpose over the past seven months. I confessed that I am at a lower point than I was when I started in September. While the rest of the team discussed their charts, I realized why I've been unhappy lately. I feel like I'm someone that others look to constantly for energy, optimism and dedication. And, for the most part, that's okay with me. I know that most of the time I can help motivate others to be better. But sometimes, I just don't feel good. In those moments, I need others to recognize that I need time to step back; they need to pick up the slack. Maybe it's a little selfish. I do know that I can't stay like this forever. I'd be letting down my teammates and, more importantly, my students. But I can't force myself out of a funk. It will happen -- hopefully soon.