A Week of Varied Service (Heroes Led)

This was another week of minimal contact with students, for the most part. The kids at Seabrook Middle School had their spring break this week but that didn't mean that we had the week to lie around. We had some things to take care of as part of GYSD wrap-up as well as some workshops and other projects. On Monday, we went to school to collect the tools we left there on Friday. We took them to Timberland's off-site storage – the first time I'd ever been there – and helped the Civic Engagement team with putting the tools away. The CE team is responsible for organizing corps-wide service projects and leading workshops for groups outside of City Year. My roommate is on the team and they have a fundamentally different day than I do. Still, it's no less important and it was neat to see them in their environment.

In the afternoon, the Seabrook team, as well as some corps members from the Hillside and Nashua teams, sat in on a workshop presented by the Right Question Project. The people from this group have been working for twenty years on changing the way education and mentoring is done. Instead of asking students questions to facilitate learning, we learned how to create a prompt to get students to ask questions about a topic. It sounds simple but requires an incredible amount of mental dexterity. It pushed us to our limits. However, I know that the students I work with are capable of using this process. It may take a few attempts but eventually I hope they will start critically thinking about the world around them.
Tuesday was a strange day. It had the same setup of a typical Friday but, obviously, it was in the beginning of the week. It made for a slightly confusing mindset but overall it was a successful day. We talked briefly about Saturday's Heroes Led service project. It will be similar to GYSD but with the actual Young Heroes leading the service projects – as the name implies. It will be interesting to see those students in action, since I've never attended a Heroes Saturday.

The final session of the day was the Seabrook team's Community Meeting. The theme of our Community Meeting was Renewal and the general flow of the pieces reflected the flow of a year of service. It started off light, with Ripples and Joys then flowed into an excellent Mocassins piece led by Amber. I had the chance to share my Life's Work. I talked about some elements of my childhood and the most pivotal eighteen months of my life, the ones that helped transform me into the person I am today. I tend to talk about myself a lot and I didn't want my piece to reflect an egotistical blowhard. I was pleased to hear from several people that it was very well done and actually helped them in their current situations. Diane talked briefly about all of the good that City Year has done in the Seabrook community and how members of that town have really stepped up to take care of themselves. It's reassuring to know that there are others there who support the City Year mission of transforming children and communities for the better.

We had a late start on Wednesday, so I got to sleep in much later than I usually do. The morning was spent preparing for our Dodgeball Tournament fundraiser at Seabrook Middle School. Bear organized it mostly to have something fun for students to do during their spring break. Unfortunately, we didn't have a huge turnout, but we did have enough to do a three round version of a Round Robin style tournament. Some members from the Young Heroes team and the Nashua WSWC team showed up to support us – many thanks to them! Overall, we raised $24 that we'll be donating to the Seabrook Middle School Student Leadership Club. It was a great way to spend our Wednesday.

On Thursday, the Seabrook team had our second team day. We headed up to Portland for a picnic in a park. Unfortunately, it was very windy so most people ate their lunch in the van. After eating, we headed back into New Hampshire to go candlepin bowling at an alley in Portsmouth. Chris treated us to ice cream at a really neat ice cream parlor in the city before we headed home. It was really neat to get out and enjoy the day.

That evening, I led a brief meeting about our end of the year fundraiser that Allie, the Resource Development Project Leader, has been helping us organize. She was out of town for the week and wanted me to step up and take care of it. It's the kind of stuff I'll have to do a lot of next year and I'm glad that I get the chance to practice now.

Friday was a day like two weeks before – a day of prep for a big service project. The Young Heroes had their Heroes Led Service Day on Saturday and the rest of the site helped out. The neat thing about the day was that the actual Young Heroes were in charge of various pieces of each project. But before we got to Saturday, the City Year corps members had to prepare the various sites for service. I spent most of the afternoon attempting to chalk out a map of the United States on a blacktop at an elementary school in Nashua with a few other corps members. We were utilizing a grid to do it pieces, but it was incredibly difficult. The chalk wasn't very visible with the sun beating down on the blacktop and I didn't want the map to look crummy. I was standing, just starring at the northeast, unable to do anything but stare. Thankfully, we all were able to work together to finish it. I was proud of the work we did but not too pleased with the sunburn I got.

I usually don't serve on Saturdays with the Young Heroes program, but this Saturday was different. The whole site went out to Nashua for the Heroes Led service projects and it was amazing! One of the Young Heroes, "Daniel," remembered me from his visit to Timberland way back in September. A few Young Heroes had come out for a panel discussion with us new corps members about what it's been like to be a Young Hero. I was really surprised that he remembered me. It was humbling; I was reminded of our ability to have an influence on others without even realizing it – both as City Year corps members and human beings.

The actual service project was great. Daniel, another Junior Team Leader, Ryan (a corps member from Young Heroes) and I went to the park that our group would be cleaning to prepare the site for their work. While waiting, Daniel and the other Team Leader hung out on the playground. A little girl from the neighborhood came over and started playing with them. I sat back and took notice of the greatness of the moment. Here were two young high schoolers interacting with a child and thinking nothing of it. If they had had red jackets on, they would look like any other City Year corps members. The moment got even better when the rest of our group arrived. After watching us clean up garbage from the park for about twenty minutes, the little girl picked up some gloves from our bucket, put them on and started helping out the Young Heroes with their service. It was beautiful. The two moments together exemplified what we want our service to do: recruit young people to our mission, transform communities and mindsets for the better and inspire other young people to take on the mission for themselves. What I saw on Saturday was not just the future of City Year in a microcosm, but the future of our country and our world: a place where human beings do good for each other simply because they can.

P.S. City Year is in the running to win $250,000 from Pepsi as part of their Pepsi Refresh project. If you want to help us get that money, you can vote here. Remember PITW #107: We Are All Fundraisers.

So Much Service!

Monday was a day of hustle and bustle, a unique opportunity to get to know the sixth graders. The entire Seabrook team, Allie (our Resource Development Project Leader) and some members of the Young Heroes team went to Exchange City. It is a program with sites around the country that lets middle school students experience what it's like to work for a business, pay bills and spend their money wisely. The sixth grade class at Seabrook Middle School had been preparing for this day for a month. Each student had a different role: some were postal workers, others were in charge of distributing goods and one student was the town mayor. I thought it was an exciting way to learn about the real world and its stresses and joys.

I helped out in the bank, working with the bank president, the accountant and the tellers. They were an excellent group of kids, working hard throughout the day to make sure the deposits from businesses and people were handled correctly. Things definitely got chaotic when the Exchange City citizens were given their paychecks. The bank office was flooded with students trying to deposit their paychecks. Through it all, the bank tellers remained relatively civil. I think it's good that these students are exposed to the stress of real life, as long as they are reminded that their schooling will help prepare them to deal with the madness of the adult world.

After our time at Exchange City came to an end, we decided to go get lunch. While walking the streets of Dover, I heard a country riff emanating from a man's pick-up truck. I gave a fist pump in appreciation but what I got in return was, "What the f*** are you looking at?" Chris, my team leader, was walking with me; he stopped and stared at the guy. It was a very disarming experience. My mind was rattled for the next hour, simply because I felt accosted. It's always strange to hear such negativity directed at me or other corps members when we're in our City Year uniforms. I feel like everyone loves us, but reality sets in. Some people don't know us, don't respect us or are just having bad days. I shouldn't take it personally. I need to convert that anger into positive energy for those around me – especially those who are sending out that negativity into the cosmos.

Tuesday was the only day this week that we were in class and I made it count. Even though we usually miss first period on Tuesdays because we're doing PT, I was able to make it to math only a few minutes late. The students had been given a worksheet on two-step equations the day before, but were moving back into proportions. I was able to teach one student how to do those equations really quickly, solidifying my belief that these students are capable of anything if you give them the proper motivation and attention.

In social studies, the students watched a video on child soldiers in Sierra Leone and their adjustment back to a more peaceful society. It was gripping and emotional for me and I know that many students were saddened by it. But the most encouraging moment from one of my students came from "Sally." She had been taking notes during the movie for the assigned reflection paper. As the movie drew to a close, the narrator told the viewers to check out the UN's website on ways to help. Sally furtively scribbled down the address. I don't care if she forgets to check it out later. Just knowing that in that instant she was interested in learning how she can help people she'll never meet – man, that's our whole job, making people realize that we're all dependent on each other.

Tuesday held another victory. I still needed to secure movie passes for our dodgeball tournament prizes. Chris and I ventured down to Vision Max Cinema in neighboring Salisbury to drop off the in-kind letter to the manager. I was pleasantly surprised when he said, "Oh, yeah. How many do you need?" and went to his office to get five passes for us. This was a moment of joy for me because I'll be doing this type of stuff all of next year. I knew I was capable of it – I just needed to get my first victory.

The Seabrook team spent Wednesday morning at Hampton Beach. But we weren't there for the beautiful views – we were there to help out the Blue Ocean Society with a beach clean up. Timberland, one of our national sponsors, organized multiple Earth Day projects for Wednesday, Thursday and a day next week. My team was with a few other City Year teams, some people from Timberland and roughly 200 middle school students. This particular service project involved a lot of standing around and waiting for the students; they were responsible for collecting most of the trash. We didn't lie around all day, though. My teammate Bear, my good friend Dylan and I teamed up and combed the beach for trash. We only collected about four pounds of trash, but that hour on the beach was great. I don't often get the chance to slow down and talk to my fellow corps members during the day. Wednesday gave me the opportunity, so it was a success.

Next up: Earth Day, Big Ol' Day of Prep, GYSD Eve – otherwise known as Thursday. We spent almost the entire day finishing up last minute preparations for GYSD at Seabrook Middle School. Some people stenciled the front mural at the school, others went to South Main Street park to work. I was all over the place. We had to pick up mulch in Hampton Falls, then come back to school to unload a big truck trailer with athletic dirt. There was a lot going on but nothing too extreme. Lunchtime was a nice break. We went to the Seabrook Rec Center for lunch with a special guest – Taylor, our team buddy! He bought us all ice cream which we ate under the shade of the trees on the trail. It was relaxing but then it was back to work. The afternoon went very quickly but we got everything done by 5:30 – a thrilling victory.

Friday was the final day of a mega-crazy week. It could have been incredibly stressful, but for me it was amazing. The morning started with some preparation, a presentation to the school and the whole shebang started. I was stationed at the front of the school working with the art teacher and a bunch of eighth graders hand-picked for the project. Because we had picked certain students, we ran into trouble when we realized a few were absent. But the art teacher was very flexible; we took a few students from other groups and got to work.

The mural was designed to complement the two past City Year teams had already painted on the other sides of the front planter. The mural painted last year featured various outstanding places found along Route 1and the other was a celebration of the beach. The mural we painted this year focused on the state of New Hampshire as a whole and featured the state insignia, such as the state mascot (The Old Man of the Mountain) and the state bug (ladybug). The absolute best part of this week was watching a group of students work intently on this mural, using small paintbrushes to fill in the small pieces. Our whole goal with this day is to give students a chance to serve, to create a transformation in their communities. If they have ownership of something, they'll have pride in it and will want to protect it. I'm glad that my eighth graders got to leave behind something when they graduate.

In the afternoon, after the students were done with the projects, my mom showed up to check our service. She got the chance to meet my best friends and fellow corps members, help out a little bit with cleanup and even participate in an authentic Seabrook debrief. Welcoming people from outside of City Year into our circles and service is the best way to show others how powerful a group of young idealists can be. It was a great day!

A Week of Major Improvements

I was a bit nervous coming into this week. I had spent the weekend away from home with my brother and was returning with him to work. My team leader and teammates were fine with it but the feelings of leisure were lingering. Thankfully, the day was a success! My brother got the opportunity to meet students and people I've talked about countless times and gain a deeper understanding of the work I do. Even though he didn't spend the whole day with me, I was happy to have him there to support me in my transition back into service.

I was overjoyed in math class when "Shirley" asked for my help in solving two-step equations. She was confused on how to do some of the early steps but did the first one correctly – she wrote down the problem. From there, we worked out how to solve the equation. She was still shaky on the process, so she asked for help on number two. We ended up doing the rest of the problems together and even checked our work on the fourth. Shirley can be reserved and resistant to doing work sometimes. But on Monday, she was a math whiz. I want her to know how intelligent she is and the places her intelligence can take her. I hope that I am able to illuminate those things in the next two months.

"Sally" continues to impress me with her amiability and work ethic. She told me that I had to check out her game board that she created for a social studies project. She got her dad to cut out a piece of wood and she finished it over the weekend. At least, she thought she finished -- there were missing elements – but I pointed those out to her and she took care of them. My students are on the ball and I love it.

In English class, the students are working on poetry packets. The first one contains the poem "Sir Patrick Spens," a work written in the Scottish dialect. This poem is posing many students trouble, including "Erica." Erica speaks English as a second language, so she is doubly struggling with the odd spellings of words. To her credit, she tried very hard and picked up the words quickly with a little guidance. Still, it was difficult to guide her learning both because of my own mental fog and because we were sitting next to three students who were laughing too loudly for us to concentrate. Next time we're around a boisterous group, I ought to ask the student I'm working with if she'd like to go to another part of the classroom or out to the Pod. But even if students don't understand these poems completely, I'm glad that they're being exposed to works that are pushing their abilities instead of being coddled with childish poems.

Wednesday morning started with a snafu. Our van keys were missing so we had to take another van. I know I have to roll with the punches, but I was hoping to take care of some things during my planning period. Since some necessary materials were in the other van, I was unable to take care of them on Wednesday.

The confusion continued into first period math class. I was left in charge of teaching how to solve proportions with cross multiplication. I enjoy having the opportunity to teach but I felt like I was not being clear in my explanations. Teaching is an art and I was not feeling very artistic that day. Luckily, I was able to go around and work one-on-one with students to more clearly explain the process. I feel like I excel at that – being able to work directly with one student at a time.

Social studies served as the polar opposite of math class. The teacher handed out listings of their grades and gave students the entire class period to work on missing assignments. My mind, most of the time, loves this type of logical and orderly setup. The items to do were clearly identified and I feel fulfilled when I see those items knocked off. What made this whole period better was "Sophia's" incredible work ethic. She is missing many assignments but she got right down to work. She was able to do three entire things before the end of the period. Other students who are also failing did some work as well. I'm hoping they are able to bump up their grades.

My pride in my students grew by leaps and bounds at the end of the day. There was a substitute in English so the class was told to work on their poetry packets. Students were given the chance to work in groups; quite a few groups devolved into social circles. But all of my seven students were working quietly independently or with each other. They're an intelligent group and just need encouragement and positive reinforcement to improve their grades.

Thursday was a day of looking forward. I spent some time in the afternoon working on the dodgeball tournament that we are hosting in a few weeks. One of my roles in the preparation is to in-kind five movie passes as prizes for the winning team. In-kinding is the process of getting physical goods, such as food and materials, donated to a project we're running. I'll be doing a lot of work like this next year as the Resource Development Project Leader but I don't have much experience with it. I'm hoping that I'll be successful in securing the donations or else I'm in for a rough year.

Starting on Tuesday and continuing the rest of the week, lack of sleep began to effect my service and outlook. I recognize that when I'm lacking sleep, I need to make the sacrifice of my free time after work and go to bed earlier. If I'm not well-rested and ready to go, then I'm not performing as well as I could. I also feel like there is a lot more that I should be doing. GYSD is coming up and there are many tasks that go into our preparation for it. I don't want to be skirting anything if there's work to be done. On Tuesday, my uneasiness was tempered when our team leader Chris took us to South Main Street Park and showed us the areas we'd be working on. He told us that we would be spending the end of this week – including all of Friday – preparing for GYSD.

After Homework Help on Thursday, the Seabrook team returned to South Main Street Park to prepare one of our projects for GYSD. When we told the students we'd be doing service there, they said, "Oh! That place is terrible! People do drugs there!" That's exactly what we're trying to change. One of the projects we'll be doing is painting a mural on the concession stand. The mural design was drawn by a student from the sixth grade. I hope that once students see their creations and hard work manifested in visible physical changes, they will take pride in these areas that are now seen as crummy.

The last thing we did as a team on Thursday was prepare for our Community Meeting. A Community Meeting is a chance for the entire CY site to unite and reflect on our service. They happen once a month and each one is led by a different team. Ours is the last Tuesday of April and we're hoping to do something phenomenal. Each of us had taken a separate part on Monday and had a few days to contemplate how it would look. I don't want to talk too much about it now --- it might spoil the surprise – but I am really excited about it and I think it's going to be phenomenal.

We spent the entirety of Friday preparing for GYSD. I was concerned that it would be overwhelming, like the long final prep days for Winter Camp and Starry Starry Night, but it went well. The Seabrook team has a few additions to our team for GYSD, so they came with us to check out the sites of our projects and prepare some pieces. Unfortunately, the weather was dismal – it was actually hailing – but we got a lot accomplished. We had a few older murals made of wood and canvas that we cannibalized to make into smaller murals. I spent most of my time sawing wood. After my time at a previous service project that involved sawing, I was not feeling capable with a saw. But after Friday, boy – I was sawing like a maniac. It was good to get back and do some good physical service. Of course, I was exhausted at the end of the day but it was a day very well spent.

No Respect

Monday was a very rough day. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to work; I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. Before we head off to school, we perform a readiness check to ensure we're starting the day with a positive can-do attitude and a mind ready to serve, among other things. I didn't get those things until later in the morning. In math class, the students were told not to use calculators for a worksheet. Most bemoaned this and yelled at me for taking theirs away. I know that they need practice doing this work by hand, but I sympathize with them. They are coddled at times and expected to rely solely on their calculators – no wonder that they're unable to work out equations involving negative numbers. Perhaps the most disheartening thing of the morning was hearing a paraprofessional express a lack of faith in their abilities. I really need to start challenging those around me to expect more of the students and themselves, especially the students themselves.

The classes in the afternoon were a little better. Students are continuing to create their notebooks on the circulatory and respiratory systems in science class. The teacher has changed her lessons for this unit from the more traditional lecture and discussion to an artistic creation and discovery of the body. I think that many students are taking to this method and enjoying the class periods a little more than they usually do. Of course some students still grumble about having to do work, but I am glad that the teacher is implementing different approaches to learning for the students.

In English, I got to spend time with "Samuel," "Sophia" and "Erica" working on their poetry packets. I love poetry but I understand why others could be disinterested. I think I made some victories with them, especially Erica. She was born in another country and doesn't recognize some of our idioms, like "It's raining cats and dogs." Since poetry utilizes the meaning of language to illustrate feelings and ideas, she is at a disadvantage. But she never gave up, and that's the victory.

The roughest part of Tuesday was the realization that some of the students I work with really do not respect me. "Alyssa" has always been seemingly resistant to my help; since the first day she has said,"Okay, go away" after I've finished helping her. I have brushed aside these comments because her attitude is her biggest struggle. I knew that I had to work around those types of reactions to help her grow. But recently these sorts of comments have become the norm with too many other students. In the coming weeks, I need to seriously address these behaviors. But for now, it's a little frustrating to have students seemingly despise you for no reason. I know that they're not lashing out at me but are frustrated and unsure of things. Nevertheless, it's hard.

After school on Tuesday, half of our team arrived back at the main office well before the other half, which was at Seacoast Youth Service for our afterschool program. Instead of working on the many tasks that I have coming up, I met up with Allie, the Resource Development Project Leader. She led a fundraising competition over the past few months; the top fifteen who sold raffles to the largest number of people would win sweet City Year swag. I spent about a half hour modeling the various pieces of clothing to my team and other corps members. It was a hard decision, but I went with the lady's cardigan – even though it's a bit too tight. I know that it was silly, but it made the day a little sweeter. I look forward to filling Allie's boots next year as entertainer and fundraiser extraordinaire.

Wednesday was a strange day. The eighth grade English teacher took about thirty students to Logan Airport for an Aviation Expo. Since she was gone, the students didn't have English class and were transplanted into other rooms. A lot of students from my social studies class were on the field trip so the social studies teacher had to scramble to fill up class time. Students were told to do their homework first, then a word search – unless they had older assignments to complete. "Sophia" had older assignments, so I tried to get her to split her time between the word search and another paper. While she was haggling me, the teacher came over and told her to work on the older assignment. This infuriated Sophia, who complained about other people telling her what to do. I spent a few minutes telling her not to let the behavior of others affect her future – if she fails to get a good education, she's going to suffer being told what to do the rest of her life. Even though she said, "I don't care if I fail this," I was able to get her to start working on her assignment. When my legs started to tire from squatting, I got a chair. Upon my return, I was delighted to see her working on her own. "What a victory!" I thought.

That was until the other students at the area started to pack up their things. Sophia mimicked them but I told her no, to do three more. We got one done and she started to shut her books. When I inserted my hand to keep her working and told her to do just one more, she shouted, "No!" and slammed her book, leaping from her seat.

I was furious. I found it so frustrating that Sophia didn't realize how simple it is for her to succeed academically and that's all I'm trying to do – push her to do the work that she is completely capable of finishing. After some reflection I realized she was probably trying to save face in front of the other students in the class – she doesn't want to be known as the idiot who City Year needs to help. Still, I feel disrespected. I have nothing but the best of intentions and when others spit on me constantly, I feel abused and diminished. It's a terrible feeling.

But by Thursday, Sophia was getting down to business. In each of her classes, she was doing the assignments with no complaining and no prodding – it was exquisite. I kept my distance from her because I felt that our relationship was damaged by the events of Wednesday. But halfway through social studies, Sophia came up to me to ask a question and I knew we would be fine. I think that I need to keep my distance from her and realize that she is only willing to do the basic level of work; I can't force her to do more because she will shut down completely. I'm just hoping she keeps up with this work ethic so she won't fall further behind.

Friday was a great day. During our Idealist Journey session, we discussed the things we would like to change about City Year. Since I am the only corps member from my IJ team returning to City Year next year, I am glad that I was able to find out how others felt. It will help me make a better environment for the first year corps members arriving in July.

The majority of the afternoon was spent in a session on diversity in the corps. The workshop was designed to illustrate how each of us brings a different set of experiences to our service. The first breakdown was based on socioeconomic status and the second was on religion. During both, every person was very respectful and open-minded during those three and a half hours. This was especially necessary with the religion session. One's socioeconomic status is not something that children and young adults can control whereas religion concerns one's personal beliefs about the world and our place in it. Thankfully, we had the chance to learn about each others' experiences and correct some misperceptions. These sorts of workshops help unite us as a corps and reinforce our open hearts and open minds when we go out into a world of incredible diversity.

Out Like A Lamb

What a week this was! I started the week in a foul mood and ended it in a very good place. I still don't know what put me in the dumps, but it made the first four days of my week dreadful. Luckily, we had Monday off as compensation for working on Saturday at Starry Starry Night and I had taken Tuesday off a few weeks ago. I am glad that I wasn't at work those two days, infecting my team and my students. Still, I was in a nasty place. I didn't want to come to work and I considered not coming back next year. I knew that I couldn't do well unless I wanted to be at City Year; if my heart wasn't in it, my mind and body couldn't be either.

When I woke up Wednesday, I still didn't want to go in to work. I was in a bad way. I went to first period math class and most of my students asked me where I was on Monday and Tuesday. They were clearly bothered that they hadn't seen me in a long time. This was the worst part of the week for me. One of the things we strive for as WSWC team members is to be the one constant in a child's life. If that student has nothing else in her life that is stable, we are the force that they can cling to. So when I'm not there, I could be taking away the stability from them. The lesson I'll take away from this week is that I need to tell my kids when I won't be there and why. Just because they're younger than me doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same explanation I give my teammates and bosses.

After school concluded for the day, Bear and I headed off to our afterschool program at Seacoast Youth Services. This was the first week of the new spring programs. Wednesday is Team Sports day but since the nearby field was a swampy mess, we stayed inside and played board games. Bear and I went upstairs to play Risk with a few kids. Risk is one of those games that can end life-long friendships in one sitting, so I knew we'd be heading into a maelstrom of fury. But luckily, none of the students reacted too poorly, although one boy quit, claiming the game is "stupid.”

The best moment of the program came when one student described the television show Thomas and Friends as "gay." I put the game on hold, got everyone's attention and chastised them for their use of that word. I told them that when they use that word to describe the things they don't like, they're putting down an entire group of people. I ended by saying, "I know that you all don't mean to do that because you're good kids with good hearts, but your language can be very powerful so be cautious." I was very serious with them and their faces reflected their understanding that they were wrong. Curbing the misuse of "gay" and "retarded" is something that I've been working on all year and I think I really got through to them. Overall, my time at SYS kicked my spirit into high gear.

By April 1st, I was ready to get back to work. Maybe it was the beautiful weather or maybe it was just the right time. Whatever it was, I had a great day of service. I had so many victories in math and FACS class; students had quizzes in both. I worked with some students and I know that I helped them get better grades. "Audrey" was very happy to get a 100% on her math quiz -- I gave her a high-five. I was a little frustrated with the grading of the math quizzes. There were only eight questions so if a student got one wrong, she would be knocked down immediately to an 88. Two wrong and she'd have a 75. But I must celebrate the fact that my kids want to do better and are doing better. I'm quite proud of them.

"Whitney" asked for help on some computer assignments Thursday afternoon; she said that she just doesn't understand how to do them. She is on the softball team and needs to bring her grade up so she can stay on the team. We completed one during Learning Lab and I told Whitney that we would definitely work on more. She had to edit an Excel spreadsheet according to some directions. While she was working, I repeatedly remarked how interesting it was. I told her how glad I was to work with her because I was learning things too. Hopefully she saw that it's okay to be interested in academic things. I'm proud that Whitney sought me out even though I am not in her computer class. She knew that I'd be able to help her with her work. I have a very good relationship with Whitney and I know that I've improved her self-confidence and made her want to do better in school.

I got to work on Friday and was very excited. Wide open blue skies, a (nearly) united corps and so much to accomplish -- the potential was overwhelming. We spent some time in the morning discussing legacy projects with our team. Many brain babies were born during that session. The first half was about things that would "walk away with the student" as Kim, one of our managers, said: t-shirts for the eighth graders as graduation presents, an awards ceremony, a carnival. These came from our desire to celebrate Seabrook and the students who are going on to greatness and bigger worlds. Then we started developing projects that will last for years: murals at school, projects along Route 1 in Seabrook and clearing out trails behind the school. I ingested all of the possibilities and nearly burst with excitement -- there is so much we can do and not enough time. I just have to do what I can to accomplish as much as I can while I still have time.

After lunch, we had some more time to work as a team. This time, we worked on a fundraiser that Bear created for April break. We are going to hold a dodgeball tournament at Seabrook Middle School. Halfway through our discussion, I realized how great it is to have other people who are extremely capable and willing to do work on my team. There is no reason for me to try to do everything. There is so much that I'm responsible for and I need to remember that if I need help, I can just ask for it.

The end of the day was spent in a relay race learning about environmentalism. It was similar to the Carmen Sandiego game about social change movements in that it was a contest and I became furious when I was losing. But this time, I was ready. I decided to give up on winning and focus on accomplishing the tasks and learning. As I told Bobby, if I didn't stop caring about winning I would throw up -- and nobody wants that. My reward for taking a step back and being happy? Two cups of flowers that are now on my front porch -- a perfect metaphor for this week and the end of March. The warmth and beauty of a new birth has come to New Hampshire and my heart is opening up again. I know that I'll be sad again, some day, but I'm looking forward to a future of joy and satisfaction. April, it's nice to meet you.