No Respect

Monday was a very rough day. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to work; I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. Before we head off to school, we perform a readiness check to ensure we're starting the day with a positive can-do attitude and a mind ready to serve, among other things. I didn't get those things until later in the morning. In math class, the students were told not to use calculators for a worksheet. Most bemoaned this and yelled at me for taking theirs away. I know that they need practice doing this work by hand, but I sympathize with them. They are coddled at times and expected to rely solely on their calculators – no wonder that they're unable to work out equations involving negative numbers. Perhaps the most disheartening thing of the morning was hearing a paraprofessional express a lack of faith in their abilities. I really need to start challenging those around me to expect more of the students and themselves, especially the students themselves.

The classes in the afternoon were a little better. Students are continuing to create their notebooks on the circulatory and respiratory systems in science class. The teacher has changed her lessons for this unit from the more traditional lecture and discussion to an artistic creation and discovery of the body. I think that many students are taking to this method and enjoying the class periods a little more than they usually do. Of course some students still grumble about having to do work, but I am glad that the teacher is implementing different approaches to learning for the students.

In English, I got to spend time with "Samuel," "Sophia" and "Erica" working on their poetry packets. I love poetry but I understand why others could be disinterested. I think I made some victories with them, especially Erica. She was born in another country and doesn't recognize some of our idioms, like "It's raining cats and dogs." Since poetry utilizes the meaning of language to illustrate feelings and ideas, she is at a disadvantage. But she never gave up, and that's the victory.

The roughest part of Tuesday was the realization that some of the students I work with really do not respect me. "Alyssa" has always been seemingly resistant to my help; since the first day she has said,"Okay, go away" after I've finished helping her. I have brushed aside these comments because her attitude is her biggest struggle. I knew that I had to work around those types of reactions to help her grow. But recently these sorts of comments have become the norm with too many other students. In the coming weeks, I need to seriously address these behaviors. But for now, it's a little frustrating to have students seemingly despise you for no reason. I know that they're not lashing out at me but are frustrated and unsure of things. Nevertheless, it's hard.

After school on Tuesday, half of our team arrived back at the main office well before the other half, which was at Seacoast Youth Service for our afterschool program. Instead of working on the many tasks that I have coming up, I met up with Allie, the Resource Development Project Leader. She led a fundraising competition over the past few months; the top fifteen who sold raffles to the largest number of people would win sweet City Year swag. I spent about a half hour modeling the various pieces of clothing to my team and other corps members. It was a hard decision, but I went with the lady's cardigan – even though it's a bit too tight. I know that it was silly, but it made the day a little sweeter. I look forward to filling Allie's boots next year as entertainer and fundraiser extraordinaire.

Wednesday was a strange day. The eighth grade English teacher took about thirty students to Logan Airport for an Aviation Expo. Since she was gone, the students didn't have English class and were transplanted into other rooms. A lot of students from my social studies class were on the field trip so the social studies teacher had to scramble to fill up class time. Students were told to do their homework first, then a word search – unless they had older assignments to complete. "Sophia" had older assignments, so I tried to get her to split her time between the word search and another paper. While she was haggling me, the teacher came over and told her to work on the older assignment. This infuriated Sophia, who complained about other people telling her what to do. I spent a few minutes telling her not to let the behavior of others affect her future – if she fails to get a good education, she's going to suffer being told what to do the rest of her life. Even though she said, "I don't care if I fail this," I was able to get her to start working on her assignment. When my legs started to tire from squatting, I got a chair. Upon my return, I was delighted to see her working on her own. "What a victory!" I thought.

That was until the other students at the area started to pack up their things. Sophia mimicked them but I told her no, to do three more. We got one done and she started to shut her books. When I inserted my hand to keep her working and told her to do just one more, she shouted, "No!" and slammed her book, leaping from her seat.

I was furious. I found it so frustrating that Sophia didn't realize how simple it is for her to succeed academically and that's all I'm trying to do – push her to do the work that she is completely capable of finishing. After some reflection I realized she was probably trying to save face in front of the other students in the class – she doesn't want to be known as the idiot who City Year needs to help. Still, I feel disrespected. I have nothing but the best of intentions and when others spit on me constantly, I feel abused and diminished. It's a terrible feeling.

But by Thursday, Sophia was getting down to business. In each of her classes, she was doing the assignments with no complaining and no prodding – it was exquisite. I kept my distance from her because I felt that our relationship was damaged by the events of Wednesday. But halfway through social studies, Sophia came up to me to ask a question and I knew we would be fine. I think that I need to keep my distance from her and realize that she is only willing to do the basic level of work; I can't force her to do more because she will shut down completely. I'm just hoping she keeps up with this work ethic so she won't fall further behind.

Friday was a great day. During our Idealist Journey session, we discussed the things we would like to change about City Year. Since I am the only corps member from my IJ team returning to City Year next year, I am glad that I was able to find out how others felt. It will help me make a better environment for the first year corps members arriving in July.

The majority of the afternoon was spent in a session on diversity in the corps. The workshop was designed to illustrate how each of us brings a different set of experiences to our service. The first breakdown was based on socioeconomic status and the second was on religion. During both, every person was very respectful and open-minded during those three and a half hours. This was especially necessary with the religion session. One's socioeconomic status is not something that children and young adults can control whereas religion concerns one's personal beliefs about the world and our place in it. Thankfully, we had the chance to learn about each others' experiences and correct some misperceptions. These sorts of workshops help unite us as a corps and reinforce our open hearts and open minds when we go out into a world of incredible diversity.