Struggles, Victories and Coming Full Circle

Things are winding down at City Year New Hampshire. We only have a few weeks left in the schools and I am doing my best to help my students get ready for high school. I am concerned about a few of them. "Audrey" and "Alyssa" were both resistant to doing work this week. On Monday, they were assigned a math worksheet. When they were unable to get a problem correct immediately, they shut down, saying "I'm not doing this." I tried to push them to work but they weren't having any of it. It was very frustrating; I don't want them to shut down like this when presented with a challenge. But their lives are in their hands; I can't do everything for them. I have to hope that some of what I model and teach gets through to them and they are better off now than they would've been without me.

But there have also been some victories. "Shirley" and "Whitney" have made incredible progress since the beginning of the year. In math class, Shirley figured out how to find the area of an irregular figure with minimal guidance from me. When I told her how smart she is and great she is doing, I caught her smiling. I'm really hoping that Diane and I can continue to instill better self-esteem in Shirley before the end of the year so she can start high school with a desire to succeed.

Whitney has also made an incredible jump. She consistently seeks to respond in most classes, though more could be done to encourage more responses. I'm very proud of her; she's a popular, nice student who is discovering that learning is something worthwhile. And that's a great victory.

"Sophia" has been waving me over at least once a day in classes for a little bit of help. She seemed to be in an unhappy place on Tuesday. When I realized that she was being resistant to doing the work in social studies, I turned it into a joke. I told her, "I know this isn't the most enjoyable but I am going to make it the most exciting thing you'll do all day!" This is very different from how I approached Sophia earlier in the year; back then, I employed a much more forceful style. But when I saw Sophia smile, I knew that I had made the right decision. Completing her work for its own sake is pointless. I'd rather Sophia realize that she can't just give up because she's unhappy – she has to find a little bit of joy to push her through.

These moments happened in the early part of Tuesday. By the afternoon, I was dreading going to English class. The students had been assigned a project over a month ago and it was due Tuesday. Diane had been reminding every eighth grader she saw to complete it for the past week or two but I was still concerned that a lot of students wouldn't have it ready. And, unfortunately, most of the students in my class didn't. But I was incredibly proud when "Whitney," Audrey and Sophia got up to hand theirs in. I started fist pumping in the air and cheering; Whitney pointed back at me and said, "Look at Paul!" I want these students to know how proud I am of them when they do their work. In fact, "Hal," a student I regularly see during the day, came up and said, "I have most of mine done! I just have one thing left!" I don't want the students to do their work to please anyone, especially me. I just want them to feel like somebody cares about their academic success.

The end of the week brought a return to Camp Lincoln, the site of our first day of service back in September. It was designed to be a day for corps members and our Timberland mentors to work together on a few projects around the camp. It was really neat, the full circle aspect of the day. It was where we were first introduced to PT; on Friday, I got to help lead PT with other first year corps members. I spent the morning working in the amphitheatre, where I had worked back on that first day of service. When we debriefed that afternoon, I talked about how proud I am of how far we've come as a site over the year. On Friday, it hit me that this is all ending soon. In a few weeks, I'll never see this group of people in the same place again. It's a little sad but I won't get bogged down in melancholic gloom. I have to do my best to make the next five weeks the most powerful I can.