Overcoming Frustration and Uncertainty

Waking up Monday morning, I knew I had to get moving and grooving to have a great day of service. I wasn't fully rested but I wouldn't use that as an excuse. In first period math, I struggled through a poor explanation of finding the area of a circle. The students were getting flustered and overwhelmed at first but some caught on and exclaimed, "This is easy!" Unfortunately, "Audrey" did not feel this way and she shut down. This response continued into second period FACS class when the students had to create a mosaic with some challenging qualifications. Audrey and other students repeatedly claimed the assignment was "stupid" and "dumb" and wondered why they had to do it. While I was trying to guide them through figuring out how to complete the work, Audrey said, "I'm not doing this." I lost my cool for a second and raised my voice. Thankfully I caught myself and calmed down before I started screaming at the students. The one positive that emerged from the moment was it woke me up and I was ready to be respectful and on for the rest of the day.

Our team meeting was a little overwhelming. We are in the final stage of teacher and student evaluations, which means a lot of paperwork for teachers. I don't mind handing them out but it is a lot of paper to manage. But all of the time and energy that we and the teachers spend on this work translates into improved service for more students who are at-risk for dropping out. Like PITW #124 says, "Everyone needs to do things that are not in the job description" – especially if they contribute to the greater good of our service.

Tuesday had a weird start to the day. Our team leader didn't come in until noon and two of our team members met us at school. We were all confused about whether to do PT like we usually do on Tuesdays or just go to first period. I was flustered over the confusion as well as the deviation from our normal schedule. But in second period I realized that I need to remember moccasins. Other people aren't trying to overwhelm or upset me – they just have things they want to accomplish.

In science class, students had a lab in which they had to dissect a chicken wing. They were investigating the muscles, tendons, ligaments and joints and comparing them to those of humans. It was a challenging lab because the first step was to remove the skin from the wing. I walked around trying to help but I felt like a dunce – I didn't think I was helping out whatsoever. Still, it was a great day – I am seeing a lot of progress in some of the students and I'm excited.

Thursday was a half day at Seabrook, so I saw it as the perfect opportunity to meet with Allie about the Resource Development project leader position. That's where I'll be serving next year and Allie wants to get me prepared for it. She went over all of the things she does during the week and the major projects of the year. It was very overwhelming; there's just so much to it and it's all so different from the world I'm in this year. But I felt this way on orientation way back in August. It's overwhelming, but only because there's so much that is new to me. Once I start working, I'll be fine. I was further comforted when I had lunch with most of the RD team.

In the afternoon, the Seabrook team met Taylor, our team buddy, for our Gift Seat feedback session. This session was different from the other feedback sessions we've done. With this, we took turns giving feedback to one person. It could have gone horribly because of some recent strife but everyone was respectful and honest. I got some great feedback about forcing positivity on others. Some people said that I should work on guiding others to it instead of trying to make people feel happy. When I've been in rough straits, I've respected others most when they've allowed me to address my feelings on my own terms. I need to do that for others. Sometimes people just need to be unhappy and come to the joy on their own time.

On Friday, we had a session on the National Service movement and how to promote it through letters to the editor and letters to congressmen. We also had the chance to learn about the local government in Seabrook. It's good to develop greater understanding of our civic leaders and capabilities, but there was one thing that really stood out about the session. It was presented by Joe, this year's Program and Training project leader, and Tony, the Program and Training project leader for next year. It's very exciting that the FY11 senior corps members are getting the chance to take on opportunities to learn through experience. I'm amazed by how far we've all come from the beginning of the year. There has been an incredible amount of growth and development for everyone; I've been fortunate to be a part of that.